Thursday, July 31, 2003

WHAT HAPPENED TO 073003??






................................WHAT HAPPENED TO 073003? WELL, IT'S A LONG STORY.....................WHEN ONE RETIRES ONE DOES WHAT THE FUCK ONE WANTS TO DO ON ANY GIVEN DAY.............SO, IF YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND DECIDE THAT YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY WITH YOUR BELLIE BUTTON LINT (OR WHATEVER) ALL DAY...YOU ROLL OUT THE BELLIE BUTTON LINT AND START PLAYING!!!! ALL THE MEDIA IS CONSTANTLY BLITZING ''US'' (WHO'S ''US'', QUEMO SABE?) WITH WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU RETIRE TO AVOID-----> B O R E D O M!!!! BOREDOM???? IN MOST CASES, YOU'VE WORKED YOUR ASS OFF FOR 30-40 YEARS FOR SOME FUCKING CAPTALIST AND GOT THE GOLD RETIREMENT WATCH SHOVED UP YOUR ASS AS YOU PUNCHED THE TIME CLOCK FOR THE LAST TIME.............TIME....TIME..............IT'S YOUR ''TIME'' NOW; DO WITH IT WHAT YOU WANT AND IF YOU DON'T WANT TO PLAY WITH YOUR BELLIE BUTTON LINT, HOP IN THE OLD ''RV'' AND GO TO DISNEY LAND.............OR GO TO THE BUNNY RANCH AND FUCK FOR A WEEK!

SO NOW THAT YOU HAVE MY GIST ON RETIREMENT: WHAT HAPPENED TO 073003: I SPENT THE EARLY MORNING PLAYING WITH MY BLOG TEMPLATE...GOT A LINK TO MY EMAIL ADDRESS (TIGER, WE'LL SEE HOW MUCH OF HAWAII'S FAVORITE MEAT I WILL GET) SET UP ON MY 'BLOG' SITE....................RAN THE RESTORE CD THRU MY I-MAC (AND THEN SPENT MUCH TIME RECONTRUCTING SOME OF 'MY SYSTEM' CUSTOMIZING BUT THIS 'RESTORE' DID NOT WIPE OUT MY FAVORITES, AS I PUT THEM ALL IN SUBJECT FOLDERS).............BY THIS TIME, ON 073003, I WAS A ''COMPUTER BURN OUT" (FOR THE DAY)..............

...........................NOW, REMEMBERING MY ''PRESCRIPTION" FOR RETIREMENT..........AND ADDING A GOODLY DOSE OF
'MARY', 'BHANG', 'BLAW', 'KIF' 'SATIVA', 'DAGGA'..........OR
-------> ''''P O T''''..........ADMINSTERED THRU A WATER PIPE/BONG APPARATUS..............(YESTERDAY WAS A DAY, MY FRIENDS!)....I GOT ''STONED''..................COMBINE THESE 'TWO' (RETIREMENT AND POT) ELEMENTS, THE REST OF 073003 JUST SORT OF FLOATED BY.....TO BE RETIRED AND BEING CAPABLE OF ALTERING ONE'S REALITY ........THROW IN WHAT THESE 'BRAIN FARTS' HAVE DONE TO VENT MY CREATIVE URGES......ALONG WITH SOCIAL SECURITY'S RECENT DECISION.............MY LIFE, FOR THE MOMENT ANYWAY, IS ''PEACHY KEEN''...............

SO, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO 073003.

(CHECK OUT 'HOT LINKS OF THE MOMENT': ****STONED, 073103)

***************************************

MORE ABOUT YESTERDAY: AS YOU KNOW (IF YOU'VE BEEN DOING YOUR OLDCATMAN 'HOMEWORK' (READING THE FARTS, ASSBITE!!)...........I HAD A 10 GALLON FISH TANK FULL OF A COUPLE OF DOZEN MINNOWS AND GOLDIE AND KIRK (GOLDFISH) RESCUED LAST SUMMER FROM OUR DRIED UP POND..................SINCE THE POND IS FULL AGAIN, I DECIDED TO REPLANT THE MINNOWS BACK INTO 'THEIR PLACE OF BIRTH'...HOW DO YOU SAY GOODBYE TO A MINNOW(S)???? I GAVE MY SISTER 3 MINNOWS AND I KEPT 6 (7, BUT ONE DIED IN 'THE MOVE') ALONG WITH, OF COURSE, GOLDIE AND KIRK............I HAD OBTAINED A BRAND NEW 29 GALLON TANK AND I SET IT UP THIS MORNING.........WOW...........GOLDIE AND KIRK AND THE 6 MINNOWS ARE NOW SWIMMING LAPS IN THE LAP OF FISH TANK LUXURY..............*******SEE A PIX OF KIRK IN ''MY FOTOPAGES'' LINK................

''THE LITERARY CAT'': "HE SHUT HIS EYES WHILE SAHA (THE CAT) KEPT VIGIL, WATCHING ALL THE INVISABLE SIGNS THAT HOVER OVER SLEEPING HUMAN BEINGS WHEN THE LIGHT IS PUT OUT.'' ****COLETTE, French writer


WHILE WE ARE ON THE ANIMAL SCENE.................SUNNY-D WENT ON AN ADVENTURE THIS AM.................WHEN I CLEANED THE SHIT OUT OF THEIR WATER AND FED THEM THIS MORNING, I FORGOT TO PUT THE GRATED LID BACK ON THE ''BOX''.......SUNNY D HAD FLOWN OUT AND WAS SITTING ON A CARTON IN THE ROOM.............HE WAS A BITTEN FRIGHTENED, I THINK, BECAUSE HE IMMEDIATELY JUMPED ON MY HAND FOR A TRIP BACK TO HIS 'BOX'....HIS FIRST OF MANY ADVENTURES AS A CHICKEN!

*******************

WHAT'S HAPPENING, GEORGE?:

THE ''NIGER-URANIUM'' FAIRY TALE HAS TAKEN ANOTHER TURN................GEORGE IS NOW FESSING UP TO BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR THE 'TALE' BEING IN HIS SPEECH.....SO TENET AMD HADLEY ARE OFF THE HOOK..........AND SO IS THE WHITEHOUSE BUTLER, WHO I WAS SURE 'DID IT'.

IN AN EFFORT TO KEEP THE ''90%ers" (YOU KNOW, THAT PART OF THE POPULATION WHO LIVE THEIR LIVES WITH THEIR HEAD UP THEIR ASS!!), SHITTING BRICKS WITH WORRY......GEORGE ''SEES NEW AL QAEDA THREAT"....I GUESS THAT MEANS THAT ALL SPEEDY MARTS/7-11'S ARE ENDANGER OF TERRORIST ATTACK AGAIN-----COLOR ALERT CODE: SLURPY BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND GEORGE'S SIDEKICK (IN THE ASS), COLIN (ALWAYS WONDERED IF HE HAD A BROTHER NAMED ANUS OR RECTUM??) SAYS: ''HE (SADDAM) IS A PIECE OF TRASH WAITING TO BE COLLECTED"......I COULDN'T AGREE MORE............BUT, COLIN, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MAN I USED TO REALLY ADMIRE (REPUBLICAN OR NOT!)...THE MAN WHO COULD HAVE BEEN PRESIDENT BUT THEN WOULD'VE HAD TO FACE SOME ASSINATING SOUTHERN REDNECK PRICK; COLIN, YOU'RE NOT THE SAME DUDE......'ME THINKS', YOU HAVE BECOME GEORGE'S ''BOY''.........

GEORGE, YOU CERTAINLY WILL NOT BE WELCOMED TO ''GUEST SPOT'' ON BRAVO'S NEW TV SHOWS: 'QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY' OR 'BOY MEETS BOY' AFTER YOUR
''CHAT'' ON GAY MARRIAGES................''I BELIEVE MARRIAGE IS BETWEEN A MAN AND WOMAN"...........WHEN ASKED ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY: ''YEAH, I AM MINDFUL THAT WE'RE ALL SINNERS...............AND I CAUTION THOSE WHO MAY TRY TO TAKE THE SPECK OUT OF THEIR NEIGHBOR'S EYE WHEN THEY GOT A LOG IN THEIR OWN........." GEORGE, WERE YOU ON DRUGS WHEN YOU MADE THAT STATEMENT???? GEORGE, IS 'THE LOG' IN YOUR EYE OR SOME OTHER ORIFICE???? GEORGE, READ MY LIPS: "WHO MARRIES WHO IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!"

AND ECHOING GEORGE ON THE SAME GAY MARRIAGE ISSUE: THE VATICAN (THAT PLACE WHERE THE POOP...ER..A..POPE LIVES) CONDEMNED GAY MARRIAGES AS "DEVIANT"...................CATHOLIC LAWMAKERS ARE BEING URGED TO LOBBY AND VOTE AGAINST BILLS THAT WOULD RECOGNIZE GAY MARRIAGE.....IT IS THEIR ''MORAL DUTY'' TO DO SO. HEY, POPE DUDE, DON'T YOU AND YOUR FUCKING CATHOLIC HIERARCHY SPEAK OF ''MORAL DUTY'' UNTIL YOU 'CUT THE BALLS' OFF OF THOSE PEDOPHILES
HIDING BEHIND THOSE WHITE COLLARS......THEY MUST ALL BE JUDGED BY 'CRIMINAL LAW' AND NOT SOME BULLSHIT CATHOLIC CHURCH law....................AND I WENT TO CATHOLIC SCHOOL THRU THE 4TH GRADE......PASSED ON BEING AN ALTAR BOY...GLAD I DID, AS I MIGHT HAVE HAD MY 'MIND' ALTERED BY 'FATHER HORNEY (FOR BOYS)'..........
AND AS USUAL, MY DISCLAIMER: THROW ALL THE LITTLE WHITE WAFERS YOU WANT AT ME OR LIGHT A CANDLE FOR ME...............BUT THE TRUTH HURTS, ESPECIALLY IF YOUR AN ALTAR BOY BENDING OVER THE COMMUNION RAIL!

WELL, GEORGE AND FRIENDS, TIME TO SAY AU REVIOR.... AND UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN...................UNLESS I SEE YOU FIRST!!!!

PLEASE CHECK OUT THE FOTOPAGES (LINK) TO SEE: KIRK THE GOLDFISH, A SHADOWY PICTURE OF THE FARM, A PICTURE OF ''MY'' TOWN IN SILICIY AND A ''GROUP'' PICTURE OF PEP'PURR, ''JC'' KITTY AND SUE-SUE, THE DOG.

VISIT THE OTHER LINKS, HOT LINKS AND HOT LINKS OF THE MOMENT.......................AN EMAIL ME!!!!


GOOD AFTERNOON, ''JC'' KITTY

''MEOW.''


Tuesday, July 29, 2003

THE BLOG SPIRITS HAVE POSSESSED ME!







THE BLOG SPIRITS HAVE POSSESSED ME!!!! WHAT THE FUCK?
I WAS SO HAPPY YESTERDAY AFTER SUSIE CLUED ME IN ON HOW TO ADD LINKS (REMEMBER, I SENT HER A BIG BRAIN FART AND NOT RED ROSES!) AND TODAY I WENT CRAZY WITH THE LINKS!!!!!

WE HAVE:

OLDCATMAN'S PERSONAL-SHIT LINKS

OTHER BRAIN FART LINKS

OLDCATMAN'S HOT LINKS

HOT LINK OF THE MOMENT

OLD BRAIN FARTS

SO COOL..................................SUSIE, I JUST BLEW YOU A KISS OVER THE INTERNET...VIRTUAL THANKS.

THESE LINKS WILL EXPAND MY 'CAUSTIC AND HUMEROUS' STUFF.............................HOWEVER:

THE NEW BLOG 'LAYOUT/FORMAT' IS A MYSTERY TO ME...THE BLOG SPIRITS ARE FUCKING WITH ME................UNLESS I DID IT BY ACCIDENT...........ANYWAY, I THINK THE 'NEW MYSTERY
FORMAT' IS A TRIP...SO NEAT IS IT, I MAY NOT BUY THE BLOGSPOT UPGRADE THAT BLOGSPOT WON'T SELL ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!!

SINCE I HAVE MY FOTOPAGE IN THE LINKS, MY COLLECTION OF FOTOS WILL BE VIEWABLE...................BUT:

HOW DO I GET A LINK FOR MY E-MAIL ADDRESS????

HOW DO I PUT A LINK IN MY TEXT????

ANSWERS..........................pretty please.....I'll send you a nice big brain fart as a reward for helping me............................ ........oldcatman@worldnet.att.net


'THE LITERARY CAT': ''A CAT, OUR NEW MAINE FRIENDS CLAIMED, IS ALWAYS ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE DOOR."
**** ALLEN AND IVY DODD, American Writers


AND WE ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT CALIFORNIA DID WEIRD SHIT (THE RECALL NOT WITH STANDING!) BUT HERE COMES NEW YORK WITH A PUBLIC (TAXES!) HIGH SCHOOL FOR GAYS, LESBIANS, TRANNIES, BI'S..ONLY. I WILL MAKE THE CLEAR STATEMENT (AND I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK IF YOU BELIEVE ME OR NOT) THAT I AM NO HOMOPHOBIC.....I HAVE BLOOD RELATIVES WHO ARE GAY, CLOSE FRIENDS WHO ARE GAY AND THE FIRST PERSON I EVER HIRED WHEN I WAS SELF EMPLOYED, WAS A LESBIAN................I WARNED YOU....TAKE A FLYING. FLYING..................ANYWAY, I REALIZE THE PAIN AND SUFFERING THEY MUST ENDURE IN ''REGULAR'' HIGH SCHOOL BUT ISN'T ISOLATING 'THEM' (SEE, NOW 'THEY' BECOME A VERY OBVIOUS 'THEM'!).....AN EASIER TARGET FOR HOMOPHOBS??
WILL NON STUDENT GAYS, LESBIAN, ETC. HANG OUT THERE????
NO, YOU SAY? I REMEMBER MY HIGH SCHOOL DAYS OF HANGING OUT AROUND THE ALL GIRLS CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL AND I WASN'T THERE LOOKING FOR A STUDY PARTNER!!!!
ISOLATION IS NOT THE ANSWER............

AND ON THAT SAME 'SUBJECT', IS IT 'BRAVO' FOR BRAVO?
AFTER ''QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY'' SEEMS TO HAVE GARNERED AN AUDIENCE (I SAW 'IT' ON THE TODAY SHOW AND THAT WAS ENOUGH...BUT THEN AGAIN, THESE REALITY SHOWS ARE A MAJOR 'PEEVE' OF MINE.....YOU KNOW WHY....BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE THE TELEVISION TECHNOLOGY TO WATCH THEM....NO TV UP MY ASS................BUT THEN AGAIN, WITH THESE GAYS SHOWS, WHO KNOW WHAT MAYBE FOUND up the ass.........OOOPS..................................ANYWAY, THE NEW SHOW IS CALLED ''BOY MEETS BOY'' (COULD BE A TARZAN SPIN OFF?) IN WHICH A GAY BACHELOR WILL CHOOSE A POTENTIAL PARTNER FROM A GROUP OF 15 MEN....AND THE KICKER IS, SOME OF THE 15 MAYBE BE STRAIGHT!!!! I CAN JUST SEE THE 'RELIGIOUS RIGHT' SHITTING BRICKS OVER THESE SHOWS! WONDER IF GEORGE WILL COMMENT? WHAT'S NEXT A GAY CELEBRITY TALK SHOW???? HOW ABOUT A REMAKE OF THE
'DICK.....VAN.....DYKE SHOW???? HOMOPHOBIC YOUR ASS!!


A DAY LATE, BUT THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES, BOB.........


WHAT'S WITH THIS GEORGE VERSUS SAUDI CRAP???? DUH!
A MAJOR REPORT ON THE 9/11 BUSINESS HAS SOME PAGES
WHITED-OUT AND PRINCE SAUD AL-FAISAL IS PISSED ABOUT IT!! DO YOU BLAME HIM???? WHITE-OUT A SECTION, IN DEED!
''THE JURY WILL DISREGARD THAT LAST STATEMENT".....BUT, BUT, YOUR HONOR, I HEARD THE STATEMENT! ''JUST WHITE IT OUT OF YOUR MIND.'' I AM SURE THERE ARE 'ARABS' AND THERE ARE 'ARABS' AND SINCE THEY HAVE A BIG ASS CHUNK OF THE $$$$ IN THAT PART OF THE WORLD, 'AN ARAB' COULD VERY WELL HAVE SPONSORED THE 9/11 PSYCHOS...BUT TO BLAME AN ENTIRE COUNTRY IS ASININE....BUT THEN, GEORGE KNOWS ALL ABOUT BEING ASININE..AND TEN, AND ELEVEN..................SINCE WE (WHO'S 'WE', QUEMO SABE?) LIVE AND BREATH ON OIL, WE SHOULD NOT ROCK THE OIL TANKER!


WAS WATCHING ONE OF THE EDUCATIONAL CHANNELS THE OTHER NIGHT AND THERE WAS A STORY ABOUT LIBERIA AND THEIR INVOLVEMENT IN WORLD WAR II. I CRUISED THE INTERNET TO GET SOME MORE INFO ON THE SUBJECT BUT I FOUND NOTHING. AS THE STORY GOES: THE NAZI'S (YOU REMEMBER THEM AND THEIR WACKO LEADER WITH THE FUNNY HAIR-DO AND TEENIE MUSTACHE) HAD INTERESTS IN LIBERIA. SO TO COVER ''OUR'' ASS WE SENT TROOPS; A STRANGE GROUP, LESS THAN 100 WHITE (THE OFFICERS) SOLDIERS AND 2000 BLACK SOLDIERS..SORT OF AN INTEGRATION BY RANK!
SINCE BOYS WILL BE BOYS, THERE GOT TO BE SOME HANK-PANKY GOING ON BETWEEN THE BOYS AND THE NATIVE LADIES; WHICH, RIGHTLY SO, PISSED THE LADIES' MEN OFF AND A FEW SOLDIERS GOT 'WHACKED' FOR FUCKING AROUND WITH THE LADIES. THE MILITARY'S SOLUTION???? THEY OPENED UP 2 WHORE HOUSES BY RECRUITING SOME OF THE ELIGIBLE NATIVE LADIES TO 'SERVE OUR COUNTRY'. NOW, THE
'HO'S' WERE ONLY FOR THE BLACK SOLIDERS...IT WAS OFF LIMITS FOR THE HONKIES. THE RESULTS: SOLDIERS STOPPED GETTING 'WHACKED' AND THE CONTROLLED SEX TRADE REDUCED THE VENEREAL DESEASE CASE LOAD. I GUESS THE MILITARY DIDN'T TALK MUCH ABOUT THE 'PROGRAM' UNTIL A FORMER WHITE SOLDIER WROTE A BOOK ABOUT THE 'SUBJECT'..........AND ISN'T THAT WHAT THE TRAILERS ARE USED FOR IN IRAQ????


TIME TO SAY GOODNIGHT.........................

PLEASE CHECK OUT THE LINKS AS I KNOW YOU ALL WILL REALLY GET ON THEM.....THE HOT LINK OF THE MOMENT IS REALLY BIZARRE......LOOK FOR MORE SUCH LINKS IN FUTURE 'MOMENTS' AND ADDITIONS TO THE OTHER LINKS.................


BRIEF ANIMAL NEWS: STILL NO HORSES!!!! WENT INTO THE CHICKENS BEDROOM, ONLY TO FIND SUNNY-D, SITTING ON THE TOP EDGE OF THE INCUBATOR BOX...HAD TO PUT A LID (THOSE WERE THE DAYS, MY FRIENDS!) ON THE BOX!!!!


GOOD NIGHT, ''JC'' KITTY.

MEOW (SEE MY PICTURE IN THE FOTOPAGES)!


Monday, July 28, 2003

BACK TO IMPORTANT FARTS





A GREAT BIG BRAIN FART THANK YOU (ROSES WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER, I GUESS) TO "SUSIE" FOR HELPING ME INSTALL SOME ''LINKS'' ON MY MAIN ''BLOG'' PAGE.............STILL LOOKING TO BE ABLE TO LINK MY E-MAIL ADDRESS....I KEEP LOOKING AT MY TEMPLATE, AND EXCEPT FOR THE LINKAGE LINES THAT ''SUSIE'' EXPLAINED, MY ONLY RESPONSE IS: "WHAT THE FUCK??" WHY CAN'T 'PROGRAM SHIT' BE WRITTEN IN A FORM OF ENGLISH THAT I UNDERSTAND?

ANYWAY, THE LINKS ARE THERE, INCLUDING MY FOTOPAGE, ICONS AND MOVIE CLIPS....ENJOY...THE REST OF THE LINKS, I KNOW YOU ALREADY ENJOY VISITING, AS I DO!!!!


''THE LITERARY CAT'': ''NO MATTER HOW MUCH CATS FIGHT, THERE ALWAYS SEEM TO BE PLENTY OF KITTENS.'' ***ABRAHAM LINCOLN***

TODAY IN 1901 RUDY VALLEE WAS BORN; VIVIAN 'ETHEL' VANCE IN 1907; DEAR JACKIE WAS BORN IN 1929 AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, IN 1947, SALLY STRUTHER WAS HATCHED.....WHO WENT ON TO BE THE 'MEATHEAD'S' WIFE BUT I REMEMBER HER MOST IN ''5 EASY PIECES''...SHE HAD QUITE A SEX ROMP WITH JACK.............AND NOT TO FORGET HER ADOPT A CHILD ADS ON TV..............AND SHE HAS PUT ON A FEW POUNDS SINCE BEING ROB AND JACK'S 'MEAT'!

SPEAKING OF MEAT...............ON THIS DAY IN 1900, LOUIS LASSING MADE THE FIRST HAMBURGER AND IN 1943 A 'MEATHEAD' RESIGNED, ONE BENITO MUSSOLINI.


WOW! IF WE COULD SUE OUR PARENTS BECAUSE WE WANTED BROWN HAIR BUT GOT BLACK HAIR INSTEAD, WE WOULD!!!! HOW ABOUT SUING OLDCATMAN BECAUSE HIS FARTS SMELL???? YEAH! NOW FOLKS WANT TO SUE GUN MANUFACTURERS BECAUSE THEY (OR THEIR DECEASED) WERE SHOT BY A GUN 'THEY' MADE!! COME ON NOW..THAT'S STRETCHING IT A BIT, DON'T YOU THINK??? I MEAN, I'M NO BIG 'NRA' OR 'MOSES' FAN, BUT WHY IS THE MAKER OF THE 'PIECE' (MY GANGSTA' CHAT) RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT THE 'WHACKER' DID??? YES, I USED TO OWN SEVERAL PISTOLS, I OWN A 12 GAUGE (COME INTO MY ROOM LATE AT NITE UNANNOUNCED, AND I'LL SHOW YOU THE FRONT OF 'IT'!), LOTS OF FOLKS ARE 'WHACKED' IN THE 'US OF A' DAILY AND WE COULD CERTAINLY CALL THE M-16 A WEAPON OF MASS
DESTRUCTION......BUT TO SUE THE MAKERS???? TIT FOR TORTE!


HAVEN'T VISITED THE MONDO TIMES OPINION POLL IN A WHILE: ''IS ASKING YASSER ARAFAT TO RENOUNCE VIOLENCE LIKE ASKING TIGER WOODS TO RENOUNCE GOLF???? SO FAR, 168 FOLKS HAVE RESPONDED. 122 SAY YES WHILE 46 SAY NO....................................IF WE WERE RENOUNCING BOTH THE
MUSLIM AND JEWISH RELIGIONS, VIOLENCE MIGHT RENOUNCE ITSELF.


DO YOU KNOW WHAT 2,166,260 AMERICANS ARE DOING RIGHT NOW???? THEY'VE GOT THEIR COLLECTIVE ASSES IN A 'CAN' SOMEPLACE IN THIS COUNTRY! OF THAT
POPULATION, 10.4% (442,300) ARE BLACKMEN, AGES 25-29, AS COMPARED TO 2.4% HISPANIC AND 1.2% WHITE (SAME AGE GROUPING).............I WONDER HOW MANY OF THE 2MIL ARE IN FOR MARIJUANA RELATED CHARGES OR
COMMITTED THEIR CRIME WHILE DRUNK ON THEIR ASS???? ...AS A REMINDER, IN A RECENT FARTING SESSION, I PROPOSED MAKING MARIJUANA
LEGAL FOR ONE YEAR AND BOOZE ILLEGAL AND WE'D SOON SEE A MAJOR DROP IN CRIME OF ALL KINDS!!!! BUT, I'M JUST AN OLDCATMAN LIVING HIS LIFE AWAY ON A FARM IN COLORADO.........................


OLD MR. GEORGE WENT COURTING THE BLACK FOLK.........HE SPOKE TO THE URBAN LEAGUE KISSING THEIR BLACK ASSES UP ONE SIDE AND DOWN THE OTHER........................IT'S A WONDER, WITH HIS ULTIMATE 'WISDOM' (THE ONLY 'WISDOM' HE HAS ARE IN THE FORM OF TEETH.) HE DIDN'T DO A TED DANSON!!!! HE HAD A LOT OF FINE THINGS TO SAY ABOUT THE PROGRESS THAT SO MANY AFRICAN COUNTRIES ARE MAKING...................."HEY, MASSA
BUSH, WHAT ABOUT LIBERIA?" THEN OF COURSE, GEORGE RAVED ABOUT THE ADVANCES IN EDUCATION, AT THE SAME TIME INTRODUCING ROD PAIGE, HIS EDUCATION SECRETARY, WHO IS BLACK. KISSY. KISSY.



MY BLACK HAT IS OFF TO SOME 'CLEVER' FOLKS IN DENVER!!!! SOMEONE BROKE INTO THE HIWAY MESSAGE MACHINE (AT THE INFAMOUS "TREX" HIWAY PROJECT) AND PROGRAMED IN 'OBSCENE' MESSAGES!!!! NO, OLDCATMAN DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT...I'M A COMPUTER DUMMY, REMEMBER? BREAKING IN ON MESSAGES: TOO BAD 'ONE' COULD NOT 'CRASH' INTO A TV STATION'S ''PAIN THE ASS'' MESSAGE BOARD THEY RUN AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SCREEN?? LOTS OF 'CLEVER' COMPUTER FOLKS IN THE AREA....GO FOR IT!!


AND THE BODIES KEEP PILING UP..............15 IN THE LAST 8 DAYS. 50 SINCE
GENERAL GEORGE DECLARED AN END TO COMBAT OPERATIONS ON 050103.....................................EXCUSE ME, GENERAL, IF 'THIS' IS NOT COMBAT, THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS IT? EXCUSE ME, GENERAL, HOW MANY SONS OF WHITE HOUSE STAFFERS AND THE REST OF YOUR POLITICAL CLAN ARE 'COMBATING' IN IRAQ????


INTERESTING, WE (WHO'S 'WE', QUEMO SABE?) TRIED TO IMPEACH BILL FOR MESSING UP MONICA'S BLUE DRESS..................I WOULD THINK THAT BULL SHITTING A COUNTRY INTO A WAR, WOULD ALSO BE A GROUNDS FOR IMPEACHMENT???? WHAT SAY, GEORGE, COULD YOU DEAL WITH AN IMPEACHMENT TRY???????????????????

IMPEACH GEORGE BUSH.

***********************************************************

DISAPPOINTED A BIT, THE HORSES DIDN'T ARRIVE TODAY....HOPEFULLY TOMORROW. THE REST OF THE CRITTERS ARE FINE. AS YOUNG AS THEY ARE, DEEDEE AND BLAKKEE ARE ALREADY ACTING LIKE CHICKENS!!
I DROPPED IN SOME BITS OF PLAIN SPAGHETTI AND THEY CHASED EACH OTHER HOPING TO SNAG A BIT FROM THE OTHER'S MOUTH. SUNNY-D
TACKLED HIS FIRST PIECE OF CORN ON THE COB AND PECKED IT BARE.....GO SEE SUNNY-D ON MY FOTOPAGE LINK!!!! (THANKS AGAIN, SUSIE!)......''JC'' KITTY IS LAYING IN HER 'PLACE', PEP'PURR IS TERRORIZING THE HOUSE AND SUE-SUE, THE DOG IS HIDING IN MY BEDROOM (THUNDER IS CLAPPING OUTSIDE!)...AND THESE 3 CAN ALSO BE SEEN ON THE FOTO PAGES.


I SMOKED SOME POT LAST NITE (SECRET SOURCE)....JUST ENOUGH FOR ONE NITE TO BRING BACK "THOSE WERE THE DAYS, MY FRIENDS"....THE WATER-PIPE-BONG STILL WORKS WELL....................TO ALTER ONE'S REALITY IS INCREDIBLE.....TRY IT, YOU'LL LIKE IT!!!! AND I DON'T MEAN THE REALITY ALTERING A 6 PACK OF COOR'S LITE (COLORADO PEE) DOES; I DON'T CONSIDER PISSING ALL NIGHT, CHAIN SMOKING WINSTON LITES AND FINALLY BARFING ON YOUR OWN SHOES, AN INCREDIBLE REALITY!!!!


IT WAS GOOD TO GET ''''BACK TO IMPORTANT FARTS'''' BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT THE LAST COUPLE OF NITES OF 'FART RANTING' WAS A REAL 'GAS'.................................


GOOD NIGHT, ''JC'' KITTY.

MEOW.

Sunday, July 27, 2003

OLDCATMANS FARTS FROM THE BRAIN

TURTLE SHIT BEATS OLDCATMAN






TURTLE SHIT BEATS OLDCATMAN...............................AFTER YESTERDAY'S TIRADE, I WAS IN THE MIND SET (LIKE JELLO)
TO DO "SERIOUS" (HA. HA!) BRAIN FARTS TODAY...YOU KNOW, CRUISE THE TIMES, THE EXAMINER, THE POST, THE GUARDIAN,ETC. ETC...........BUT I HAVE FOUND THE INTERNET TO BE SLOWER THAN TURTLE SHIT!!! HOW SLOW IS THAT, WE IF I TRIED TO GET ON A SITE AND A TURTLE TOOK A SHIT AT THE SAME MOMENT.....BY THE TIME I GOT TO MY SITE, THE TURTLE SHIT WOULD HAVE HIT THE GROUND, AGED AND BECAME COMPOST..THEN MAYBE, MY SITE WOULD COME UP. ON THE OTHER HAND (IS IT HAIRY?) WHEN I DID GET IT UP (MAYBE MY IMAC NEEDS VIAGRA?) MY MODEM WOULD DISCONNECT....SORT OF LIKE A PREMATURE EJACULATION.............OH CUM ON NOW!!

ANYWAY, I'M TAKING TONIGHT OFF, JERK.

FINALLY DID GET A 'FELLOW' (IT'S A LADY, THOUGH) BLOGGER TO MAYBE TAKE A LOOK AT HOW I CAN IMPROVE THE PHYSICALITY OF MY SITE (I PROBABLY NEED A CORNEA TRANSPLANT)....................AND THE MODEM JUST TOOK A CRAP...HURRY, TURTLE, SHIT AND WE'LL SEE WHAT SHIT HITS THE GROUND FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HEY!! TOOK A PAUSE TO LOOK AT SOMETHING ELSE AND WHEN I CAME BACK TO MY ''POST'' ('AYE. AYE, SIR'), I HAD TO 'SIGN IN'....HEY, BLOGSPOT...YOU ARE TRULY A BUNCH OF _______ AND ________ (fill in the blanks).

I AM ALSO LOOKING AT WHAT ''BLOGROLLING'' DOES OR DOES NOT DO..................IT MAY BE TIME TO DUMP THESE BLOGSPOT ASSHOLES FOR SOMETHING BETTER..OR AT LEAST SOMETHING THAT WORKS.......................PLEASE, PLEASE.....................ANY IDEAS???? oldcatman@worldnet.att.net........................

WOW.............A PLANE ('THEE PLANE!...THEE PLANE!') JUST BUZZED LOW OVER THE HOUSE...PROBABLY A DIA PLANE CHECKING ME OUT..TOO LATE TO GET OUTSIDE AND FLIP HIM OFF..........................

..................................AND OFF I GO...............

'TIL WE MEET AGAIN IN SOME DARK SECLUDED HOLE IN THE BLACKNESS OF THE INTERNET, WADING IN A PILE OF TURTLE SHIT THAT IS METAMORPHOSING INTO COMPOST.........AND IN THE TIME IT TOOK ME TO BANG OUT THIS LAST PARAGRAPH, MY (WHO'S 'MY', QUEMO SABE??) MODEM FAILED...AND THE DUMB BITCH (MY "TROUBLE IN DODGE" RECORDED TROUBLE LADY), ASKS ME IF I TRULY WANT MY MODEM DISCONNECTED???? RIGHT, LADY!

I'M GOING TO GO FEED THE CHICKENS, CHECK THE GARDEN, CREATE A GORMET DELIGHT WITH CHORIZO, WHACK MY MODEM (IN THE COMPUTER, ASSBITE!) AND MAYBE MAKE SURE THERE ARE NO 'ESCAPE ROUTES' IN THE PASTURE FENCING, IN PREPARATION FOR THE HORSES THAT ARRIVE TOMORROW; AND, THE MODEM HAS 'DC'D' 3 TIMES DURING THIS PARAGRAPH'S CREATION........................EAT SHIT AND DIE, MODEM!


GOODNIGHT.

Saturday, July 26, 2003

BRAIN FARTS AMUCK!!!!

OLDCATMAN HAS DECLARED 072603 AN OLDCATMAN HOLIDAY AND EVERYBODY WHO WORKS FOR OLDCATMAN CAN HAVE THE DAY OFF; EXCEPT FOR THE USELESS ASSHOLES AT BLOGSPOT WHO OWE ME RESPONSES TO 4 EMAILS AND THEIR CONTINUAL INABILITY TO GET THEIR FUCKING UPGRADE BUYING SYSTEM IN ORDER..........WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM A JEW???? TAKE THE PESOS AND RUN, HOMBRE.....ADOLPH MIGHT BE ON YOUR ASS, WITH GEORGE NOT FAR BEHIND, IN EITHER CASE THE OVENS ARE WARMING.................WHO GETS THE REWARD FOR WHACKING UDAY AND QUSAY.....DID THOSE WHACKING TROOPS WIN THE HUSSEIN LOTTERY....AW, GIVE IT TO CHARITY.....AN IRAQI ORPHANAGE FOR THE CHILDREN WHOSE PARENTS WE HAVE WHACKED....................................I LIKE THE TERM ''WHACKED''..................''I'M GOING TO WHACK YOUR ASS!!"....................
...............''WHACK'', ACCORDING TO MY FUCK AND WAGON DICKSHUNTARY, HAS ITS ETYMOLOGY (PROBABLY) FROM THE IMITATIVE SOUND OF A BOW (AS IN ARROW, DUMMY); AND CHECKING THE BRONTOSAURUS, IT CAN BE A SYNONYM FOR "HIT".............................AND YOU CAN 'WHACK' YOUR WEINIE............THEN I LOOKED IT UP IN MY OLD SILICIAN DICTIONARY WHERE IT MEAN : ''TO BLOW ONE'S FUCKING HEAD OFF WITH A 12 GAUGE SHOTGUN"........................WHERE AM I GOING WITH ALL OF THIS..............WELL, IT APPEARS THAT I AM ON A RANDOM BRAIN FART
STAMPEDE!!!! THERE HAS BEEN SOME SHIT GOING ON IN ''GEORGE'S WORLD WARS'' (A PENDING LUCAS FILM SERIES) BUT I AM SICK OF IT. YEAH, WE GOT THE HUSSEIN BOYS, THOSE DIRTY LITTLE CAMEL JOCKIES...........AND SINCE THEN WE HAVE LOST 8 MORE SOLDIERS..........EIGHT MORE SON'S...AND I HAVE 2 SONS ALSO...............ONE SERVED IN THE MARINES FOR A HITCH AND A HALF........GUNG HO (NOT THAT HE IS) AND ALL THAT OTHER JAR HEAD BULLSHIT..........GO NORTH, YOUNG MAN, TO CANADA LAND OF THE FREE AND MEDICAL MARIJUANA!!!! HORRID THOUGHT, WITH ALL OF GEORGE'S ACTIVE WARS AND PENDING WARS, WILL THEY
(WHO'S 'THEY', QUEMO SABE?) HAVE TO REENACT THE DRAFT???? NEVER DID FIND OUT HOW FAR THE WHITE HOUSE POLITICAL LINE YOU HAVE TO GO BEFORE YOU FIND A SON FIGHTING IN IRAQ...............god BLESS AMERICA LAND OF THE FREE (SPEECH, ANYWAY)!!!! HEARD ABOUT SOME OLDER LITTLE PEOPLE WHO WROTE SOME UNCENSORED (BY THEIR TEACHER) SCATHING LETTERS TO UNCLE GEORGE...THE SCHOOL WAS SOON VISITED BY GOVERNMENT FORCES (SERIOUSLY, FOLKS)!!!! OK, YOU LITTLE SUBVERSIVE SOB'S, UP AGAINST THE WALL (AND PINK FLOYD WILL NOT BE PLAYING YOUR DERGE!) AND THE SHOTS RANG OUT AND THEIR WAS A PILE OF LITTLE BODIES...AW BETTER NOW THAT SOME FUTURE FUCKING WAR????
.................GO, OLDCATMAN, GO...YOU'RE ON A ROLL AND I DON'T MEAN TOOTSIE, JELLIE, 'IN THE SACK', 'IN THE HAY' THAT THING AROUND YOUR BELLIE.............................ALL THE ANIMALS ARE FINE......IF YOU GO TO...................... oldcatman63.fotopages.com YOU CAN SEE A PIX OF 'SUNNY-D' AND AN UPCLOSE SHOT OF SUE-SUE, THE DOG AND FOR KICKS YOU CAN VIEW THE 'GEORGE SHIT' TOO.........................FOUNDATION FOR THE NEW CHICKEN PEN (FOR SUNNY-D, DEEDEE AND BLAKKEE) HAS BEEN LAID.....................TRIED TO LET THE BLACK HEN, WHO WAS GETTING HER ASS KICKED BY ALL OF THE OTHER CHICKENS IN THE MAIN YARD, OUT OF THE ISOLATION CAGE IN THE REHAB YARD..BUT SHE IMMEDIATELY WENT AFTER 'BB' (THE LITTLE BLACK HEN WHO HAS TALON PROBLEMS) WHICH ONLY PISSED OFF 'POWDER' (SHE'S BEEN IN REHAB SINCE SHE GOT HER HEAD BLOODIED) AND THE BLACK HEN AND POWDER GOT IN A CHICKEN FIGHT( AND BACK TO ISOLATION WENT THE BLACK HEN)....AS THE WORLD WATCHED..... SOUNDS LIKE A FUCKING 'CHICKEN SOAP OPERA'...............''AS THE COOP TURNS?" "THE GUIDING CHICKEN?" OR PERHAPS, ""GETTING LAID IN THE ROCKIES (AMONGST THE CHICKEN SHIT AND HAY)""..............................FUCK, I WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO BRAIN FART, STONED???? SOMEBODY SEND ME SOME POT AND I'LL GIVE IT A GO!!!! BUT THEN I'D GET THE 'MUNCHIES' AND DROP FOOD MORSELS INTO MY KEYBOARD, WHICH I JUST CLEANED...OR ON MY BELLIE.........NOT WEARING A SHIRT NOW, LADIES! AFTER REVIEWING WHAT I HAVE DONE SO FAR...THIS ONE BIG GIGANTIC PARAGRAPH OF ALL CAPS BRAIN FARTS, I BET "MY CRITICS" ARE SHITTING BRICKS ABOUT THE ''F-O-R-M-A-T"..AGAIN, IF THAT IS ALL YOU CAN FIND TO ''CRITICIZE" (STILL LOOKING FOR TECHNICAL HELP AND NOT ''LIP SERVICE'' )...HOW FAR CAN YOU LEAP FLYING??...........SURE WISH I COULD LINK..........'CAUSE I ENJOY READING ''TIGER AND/OR ANNIE" EVERY MORNING, NOT TO MENTION USING THEIR 'MINI' SOUND BOARD OF THEIR 'COMMENTS'.................I LOVE TO
BE ''CONTRARY"---NOTHING LIKE BALLS AND TITS IN AN UPROAR....................ON AND ON HE GOES...WILL HE EVER STOP?????
.............ROUND AND ROUND THE FLAG POLE..WATCHING THE GRASS (THOSE WERE THE DAYS, MY FRIENDS) GROW UP HIS _ _ _ HOLE!!
WE SHOULD LEGALIZE MARIJUANA FOR ONE YEAR AND BAN BOOZE AT THE SAME TIME...............LESS SPOUSAL ABUSE, VIOLENCE, MURDERS, CRIME, CAR WRECKS..............ALONG WITH: SUPERIOR SEX, ALL FOOD WOULD BE GORMET AND LAUGHTER WOULD FILL THE NIGHT (AND DAY)
.....................AND THE COPS COULD CATCH REAL CRIMINALS.........OH, THOSE WOULD BE THE DAYS, MY FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I FEEL LIKE FIXING SOME TACOS.

Friday, July 25, 2003

NAMELESS BRAIN FART





........................AND THE MUSIC CAMP CONCERT WENT QUITE WELL.THE LITTLE PEOPLE KNOCKED THE AUDIENCE'S SOCKS OFF...WELL, IN MOST CASES, AS MANY IN THE AUDIENCE WERE BAREFOOT.

I USUALY VIDEO THE CONCERTS BUT WITH MY FUCKED UP FINGERS IN MY RIGHT HAND, IT'S KIND OF HARD TO HOLD THE CAMERA...SO I PASSED TONIGHT.............WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY? USE A TRIPOD?? TO ME, USING A TRIPOD IS LIKE USING A CONDOM....BESIDES, I AM ALSO A BIG FAN OF CINEMA VERTE.

BIGGEST COMPLAINT ABOUT THE CONCERT WOULD BE TOO MANY INCONSIDERATE AUDIENCE PARENTS WHO LET THEIR FUCKING LITTLE RUGRATS (DIFFERENT THAN LITTLE PEOPLE) RUN UP AND DOWN THE AISLES, SCREAMING, YELLING....DOING WHAT RUG RATS DO.

THEN THERE WAS THE ASSHOLE WHO SAT NEXT TO ME. HE DECIDES IN THE MIDDLE OF A SONG THAT IT IS TIME TO DO SOME HALF ASS QUASI EXERCISE ROUTINE WHILE SITTING IN THE CHAIR. HE WAS CONTORTING AROUND...I SWEAR HE WAS EITHER TRYING TO LICK HIS BALLS OR KISS HIS OWN ASS! I GUESS HE TURNED HIMSELF ON, AS HE LEFT EARLY.

UNTIL NEXT YEAR WHEN THE LITTLE PEOPLE ARE 1 YEAR OLDER.



'THE LITERARY CAT': ''TO UNDERSTAND A CAT, YOU MUST REALIZE THAT HE HAS HIS OWN GIFTS, HIS OWN VIEWPOINT, EVEN HIS OWN MORALITY.'' ****LILIAN JACKSON BRAUN, American writer


ANIMALS: I HAVE LIVED IN THE ROCKIES FOR ALMOST 4 YEARS, I LIVED ON THE WESTERN SLOPE OF THE SIERRAS FOR 14 YEARS AND I LIVED ON THE EASTERN SLOPE OF THE SIERRAS FOR 9 YEARS AND I HAVE SEEN ALL KINDS OF ANIMALS EITHER HIKING OR IN MY OWN BACKYARD.................IE: THIS WINTER I WOKE UP ONE MORNING TO FIND 150 OR SO ELK IN OUR LOWER 7 ACRES............A BADGER LIVES IN THE PASTURE NEXT DOOR............... BALD EAGLES ARE A DIME A DOZEN IN OUR SKIES HERE.... I LOOKED OUT MY FRONT WINDOW ONCE AND THERE WAS A BLACK BEAR EATING SUNFLOWER SEEDS OFF MY WINDOW SILL................BUT NOT UNTIL TODAY, HAD I EVER SEEN A FOX! ON THE WAY TO MUSIC CAMP, I SAW THIS CREATURE POUNCE ON SOMETHING IN THE ROAD SIDE BUSHES..I THOUGHT IT WAS A BUSHY TAILED CAT....BUT AS I DROVE BY, 'IT' RE-APPEARED AND IT WAS A FOX!! FAR OUT!

HOWEVER, THE BEST ANIMAL NEWS OF THE DAY
(BESIDES SUNNY-D, DEEDEE AND BLAKKEE) IS ON MONDAY WE ARE SUPPOSED TO GET 2 HORSES TO ROAM OUR PASTURE UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. THEY ARE OLD 'RETIRED' HORSES (THE, PARDON THE HORRID EXPRESSION, 'READY FOR THE GLUE FACTORY' KIND...DO THEY REALLY DO THAT??)....HORSES THAT HAVE EARNED THEIR ''GOLDEN YEARS'' OF RETIREMENT........WOW, REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO MONDAY!!...................HOW COOL WILL THAT BE?? WE'LL NOW HAVE A 'HORSE RANCH' INSTEAD OF A 'FARM'..........HI HO, SILVER!!



WELL, IT'S GETTING CLOSER, FOLKS..............OR I SHOULD SAY THE SHIPS ARE GETTING CLOSER............ABOUT 7-10 DAYS AWAY????
COMING BACK TO THE 'US OF A'???? FUCK NO, THAT'S HOW FAR AWAY THREE SHIPS ARE FROM LIBERIA, AMERICA'S 'HIDDEN SHAME' COUNTRY OF THE WORLD. WHY, GEORGE?


STRANGE???? THE KOBE CASE AS BROUGHT UP AN INTERESTING THOUGHT...THIS BUSINESS OF HIDING THE IDENTITY OF THE 'CHICK'
(BASED ON HER FRIENDS WHO ARE BEING INTERVIEWED, 'CHICKS OF A FEATHER, FLOCK TOGETHER') WHO WAS SUPPOSEDLY sexually assaulted BY THE DRIBBLER.

WHY DO 'WE' (WHO'S 'WE', QUEMO SABE?) CONCEAL THE NAME OF A SEX CRIME VICTIM??? WE ARE ALLOWED TO KNOW THE NAMES OF OTHER CRIME (MURDER , PHYSICAL ASSAULT , ROBBERY, ETC.) VICTIMS........YOU DON'T SUPPOSE IT HAS ANYTHING TO WITH OUR (WHO'S 'OUR', QUEMO SABE?) SEXUAL INSECURITIES THAT ABOUND IN THIS COUNTRY.......YOU KNOW, ALL THOSE FOLKS WHO HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS LIKE TO HAVE A PUBIC HAIR IN THEIR MOUTH THAT ISN'T THEIR OWN!! (REMINDS ME OF THAT JERK-OFF WHO WAS EXERCISING IN THE CHAIR NEXT TO ME AT THE CONCERT!)...ANYWAY, FOOD FOR THOUGHT...JUST SPIT OUT THE HAIR!

(I STILL THINK KOBE IS THE VICTIM OF 'CELEBRITY RAPE')


STILL LOOKING FOR HELP FROM BLOGSPOT TO LEARN HOW TO FORMAT 'MY BLOG'...TO UPDATE IT, SO THAT I CAN LINK...........ADD OLDCATMAN PICTURES...ETC. BUT AS I HAVE BITCHED BEFORE, NO BODY IS AT HOME AT BLOGSPOT..THEY TOOK GOOGLES MONEY AND RAN............ WHO IN THE FUCK LIVES AT ice9blogger.com THEY'RE NEVER 'HOME' EITHER.....................PLEASE, IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE WHO WILL HELP THIS OLDCATMAN WHO IS A SELF CONFESSED 'COMPUTER DUMMY'...I AM A CREATIVE ARTIST, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BE A COMPUTER NERD BUT WILL CERTAINLY ACCEPT THEIR HELP.........PLEASE: oldcatman@worldnet.att.net


HOPEFULLY ON MONDAY'S BRAIN FARTS.......................

''GOOD NIGHT.''


'WHINNY.'







Thursday, July 24, 2003

FARTS OF ALL SHAPES, SIZES AND SMELLS






POSTMORTEM: UDAY AND QUSAY............''I OBJECT TO VIOLENCE BECAUSE IT APPEARS TO DO GOOD, THE GOOD IS ONLY TEMPORARY; THE EVIL IT DOES IS PERMANENT."

..................PUT THAT IN YOUR WATER PIPE AND SMOKE IT; AND IT IS OK IF YOU DON'T WANT TO ENHALE.......BUT THEN WHY BOTHER?
ALL THOUGH, MY MOTHER USE TO LIKE TO 'PUFF' ON CIGARETTES AND SHE NEVER ENHALED.......................THEN THERE WAS MY GRANDFATHER WHO SMOKED TUSCANY CIGARS. I REMEMBER MY COUSIN AND I STOLE ONE ONCE.............WE DIDN'T ENHALE;
IN FACT, HAD WE, I MIGHT STILL BE CHOKING TO THIS DAY. TUSCANY CIGARS LOOKED LIKE A ROLL OF DOG SHIT AND ACTUALLY, DOG SHIT SMELLED BETTER. MY GRANDMOTHER WOULD NOT ALLOW HIM TO SMOKE IN THE HOUSE, SO HE HAD AN OLD RICKETY CHAIR ON THE BACK PORCH, WHERE HE WOULD PUFF AWAY. WE ALL USED THE FRONT DOOR............

MY PREVIOUS DAYS FARTS STIRRED SOME PEOPLE UP.........MY FART(S) ON I HAVE 2 SONS ALSO, PART I AND II.............. THEY NOW SEEM TO UNDERSTAND MY POINT(S), WHICH IS BASICALLY, war sucks!

THERE WAS SOME LIGITIMATE CONCERN OVER THE ''TECHNICAL" SIDE OF MY FARTS.................THE FORMAT THAT YOU ALL HAVE TO READ DOES SUCK! I SUSPECT THE ASSHOLES AT BLOGSPOT HAVE PROBABLY TAKEN GOOGLE'S MONEY AND GONE BACK TO ISRAEL.

I HAVE SENT BLOGSPOT 4 EMAILS ASKING FOR HELP. I HAVE TRIED TO BRING UP THE 'SUPPORT' SITE AND IT IS IMPOTENT. EARLIER IN THE MONTH, 'TIGER' THOUGHT THE FORMAT SUCKED AND ASKED FOR VOLUNTEERS TO HELP ME FIX (NO HELP).

SO THE FARTS KEEP APPEARING THE WAY THEY DO............THE ALL CAPS THING (with a bit of lower case), HOWEVER, IS ON PURPOSE............INTERESTING (AS I BEAT MY CHEST!!), SO FAR THE COMPLAINTS ARE '' TECHNICAL" AND NOT (AFTER ONE UNDERSTANDS) THE CONTENT; WELL, THAT'S WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT..............DIDN'T ABE WRITE THE GETTYSBURG ADDRESS ON A BURGER KING BAG????


I DON'T MIND ADMITING IT, BUT I DO WATCH AND LOT OF TV..........A FEW SITCOMS, THE SOPRANOS, THE SHIELD..............WE HAVE 'THE DISH' WITH EVERYTHING.........I HAVE IT HOOKED UP ON THE TV IN MY BEDROOM AND IN MY LIVING ROOM...WITH ONE CABLE RECEIVER--I HAVE THIS LITTLE REMOTE GADGET I BOUGHT A RADIO SHACK THAT ALLOWS THIS...................I HAVE TO SAY THAT MOST OF TV IS CRAP: THE QUEER QUEER THING ON BRAVO, THE FUCKING REALITY SHOWS...I WISH THEY WOULD DO A REALITY SHOW AND BRING BACK LINDA LOVELACE, I'M SURE THERE'S A REALITY SHOW THERE!......WITH 'THE DISH' I DO GET A DOZEN OR MORE EDUCATIONAL CHANNELS..WHICH ARE WORTH THE COST..LEARN LOTS OF SHIT WATCHING THEM.............BUT OF COURSE, I CAN'T LEAVE OUT KATIE AND HER GANG!! AND THE 'INCESTUOUS FRIENDS SHOW" IS GETTING A SPIN-OFF WITH THE DUMMY WOP 'JOEY'.........OH WELL..........................bad fart.........


'THE LITERARY CAT': ''CATS KNOW HOW TO OBTAIN FOOD WITHOUT LABOR, SHELTER WITHOUT CONFINEMENT, AND LOVE WITHOUT PENALITIES.'' **** W.L. GEORGE, American writer.


TAKE EACH ONE OF THEIR FUCKING ROSARY BEADS (SAVE THE CROSS FOR LAST) AND SHOVE THEM ALL UP THEIR ASSES WITH A 1 INCH CEMENT DRILL!!!! FROM THE NY TIMES: 789 CHILDREN ABUSED SINCE 1940, MASSACHUSETTS SAYS...JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!! REALLY TIRED OF READING ABOUT THIS CRAP! Then why so you read it? IT'S MY JOB, BOY...IT CREATES BRAIN FARTS.....

BETWEEN THE ABUSE SHIT, WARS, PERSECUTIONS, OUTCASTING AND ALL THE OTHER HORRIBLE STUFF god's AND their RELIGIONS DO...WHO IN THE FUCK NEEDS THEM.....gods AND RELIGIONS???????
NOT TO MENTION THE BILLIONS THEY SUCK UP FROM THEIR ''FANS'', WHICH IS ALL TAX FREE...WONDER HOW MUCH THE BUDGET DEFICIT WOULD BE IF THE RELIGIONS PAID TAXES? PRAISE the lord!!! PASS THE BASKET. GIVE ME YOUR 10%...........AMEN, BROTHER.

SO, FATHER O'REILLY, HOW DO THOSE BEADS FEEL?? THE CROSS?? THE DRILL IS NEXT!

HOLY SHIT (WHAT A SEGWAY), I GOT SUMMONED FOR JURY DUTY TODAY.............SUPPOSE TO BE A JUROR ON 081403 WHICH IS RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NEXT MUSIC CAMP...SENT A QUICK EMAIL AND GOT THE DUTY POSTPONED UNTIL OCTOBER.

THE OLDCATMAN ON A JURY?? ''HANG 'EM''!! And how do you feel about the death penalty? I PREFER THE RUSSIAN WAY...A BULLET TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD, YOU GUILTY, PRIEST!


''JC'' KITTY JUST WALKED OVER TO ME AND BARFED...........CORN. KERNALS OF CORN...........SHE OBVIOUS JUMPED UP ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER AND SCARFED UP AFLACK'S CORN...YUK........................

AT MUSIC CAMP TODAY, THE TIE-DYE PROJECT WENT PRETTY WELL. LOTS OF LITTLE PEOPLE WITH MULTI COLORED HANDS, BUT THE SHIRTS CAME OUT REALLY COOL. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO MIGHT NEED AN ART PROJECT FOR A GROUP OF LITTLE PEOPLE, TIE-DYE IS A GOOD CHOICE BECAUSE IT IS AN ARTISTIC TALENT 'EQUALIZER'...I SUSPECT THAT REMBRANDT COULDN'T TIE-DYE ANY BETTER THAN AN EIGHT YEAR OLD FROM THE WESTERN FRONT OF THE COLORADO ROCKIES.


''I OBJECT TO VIOLENCE BECAUSE IT APPEARS TO DO GOOD, THE GOOD IS ONLY TEMPORARY; THE EVIL IT DOES IS PERMANENT''
********************GANDHI

GOOD NIGHT.

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

I HAVE 2 SONS ALSO: PART TWO






ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER MUSIC CAMP: THINGS ARE PROGRESSING QUITE WELL, SO MANY TALENTED LITTLE PEOPLE....A BROTHER AND SISTER WHO KNOCK MY SOCKS OFF......NOT THAT THEIR STYLE IS LIKE DONNIE AND MARIE BUT, I SWEAR, THE VOICES ARE AS GOOD..........................MADE BEADED NECKLACES TODAY AND EVERYBODY GOT OFF ON THAT..........MY HANDS, WITH THEIR FUCKING TENDONITIS DROPPED 2 NECKLACES BEFORE THEY COULD BE TIED.....ENOUGH BEADS ON THE FLOOR TO MAKE A DOZEN NECKLACES! TOMORROW IS THURSDAY...ONE MORE DAY UNTIL FRIDAY NIGHT'S CONCERT, SHOWING THE WEEKS WORK AND THEN ON SUNDAY A 'GUEST SHOT' AT WING-DING NEAR ASPEN..........PLUS TOMORROW IS 'TIE-DYE' DAY...THE PRE PRINTED LOGO SHIRTS ARRIVED VIA UPS TODAY...THEY WILL BE TIE DYED BY THE LITTLE PEOPLE. MY SISTER DOES A GREAT JOB WITH THE LITTLE PEOPLE.


'THOSE WERE THE DAYS, MY FRIENDS': HOLY SHIT! BREAK OUT THE BONG! MIX UP THE BROWNIES! "ROLL ANOTHER ONE....''! 'DON'T BOGART THAT JOINT, MY FRIEND, PASS IT OVER TO ME!' MAN, I NEED ANOTHER BOX OF 'SCREAMING YELLOW ZONKERS'! LET'S GO GET SOME PIZZA...........YEAH, ABOUT 15 OF THEM..WITH ANCHOVIES AND LITTLE PEPPERONI ROUNDS......FUCK THE CANDIAN BACON AND PINEAPPLE (MAKES MY GRANDMOTHER ROLL OVER IN GRAVE!)!
***********************CHEECH AND CHONG ARE COMING BACK WITH A NEW MOVIE WHICH WILL HOPEFULLY BEGIN SHOOTING NEXT YEAR..........................WILL BE KIND OF LIKE ''THE SECOND COMING''!


CAN'T FORGET 'THE LITERARY CAT': ''GIVE HER BUT A WAVERING LEAF-SHADOW OF A BREEZE COMBING THE GRASSES AND SHE WAS BACK A MILLION YEARS, GLARING WITH NIGHT-LIT EYES IN THE THICKETS, PROJECTING A TERRIBLE AURA OF FEAR THAT STILLED AND QUELLED ALL CREATURES.'' ***PAUL ANNIXTER, American Writer


AT YESTERDAY'S MUSIC CAMP, I DID HAVE A BIZARRE BRAIN FART, AS I WATCHED THE LITTLE PEOPLE SCARF UP LITTLE BAGS OF DORITO AT THEIR A.M. SNACK................ARE WE WHAT WE EAT? YES, I THINK SO: A PIZZA FACE, A BIG MAC TORSO, FRENCH FRY ARMS, DOUGHTNUT HANDS, TOOTSIE ROLL FINGERS, HOT DOG LEGS (THE MALE VERSION WOULD USE 3 HOT DOGS, THE FEMALE A BUN),
SUB SANDWICH FEET, CORN CANDY TOES, BEN AND JERRY'S CRAP AND MOUNTAIN DEW PISS.....WE ARE WHAT WE EAT. TASTY!!

**************************************************
**************************************************

****I HAVE 2 SONS ALSO**** (FROM YESTERSDAY'S BRAIN FARTS) WORD FROM IRAQ IS THAT UDAY AND QUSAY HUSSEIN WERE KILLED TODAY IN A FIREFIGHT WITH US FORCES. YOU KNOW, SADDAM IS A BAD ASS FUCKER, THE ENEMY, AN 'EVIL OF THE AXIS', A TRYANT AND EVERY OTHER 'ANGRY THOUGHT' THAT YOU CAN BESTOW ON HIM. THE SAME COULD BE SAID OF UDAY AND QUSAY............BUT ALSO IN REALITY, THESE WERE A FATHER'S 2 SONS...AND I HAVE 2 SONS, SO MY HEART GOES OUT TO SADDAM...............oldcatman 072203...

****I HAVE 2 SONS ALSO: PART TWO: I GOT A LITTLE BIT OF SHIT FROM A FEW PEOPLE ABOUT THE 'HEART FELT" FART OF MIND...AND PROBABLY A LOT MORE SHIT FROM PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING BALLS TO TELL ME (oldcatman@worldnet.att.net) BUT TO ALL OF YOU 'PIN HEADS' (CALM-LIKE TERM...COULD HAVE SAID 'FUCK HEADS' BUT I DIDN'T)***** HERES THE POINT: FOR A MOMENT, IMAGINE THAT WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT SADDAM...BUT INSTEAD, THE SONS OF THE DUDE WHO PICKS UP THE GARBAGE AT THE WHITE HOUSE...............2 SONS THAT HAVE DIED IN A FUCKING THING CALLED A """""WAR""""".......A PHENOMENON WHERE BY A COUPLE OF OLD FUCKERS CAN'T GET ALONG BECAUSE OF RELIGION, TERRITORY, OIL, MADDNESS, OIL, PHILOSOPHY, BAD BREATH, OIL OR WHATEVER THE FUCKING REASON. ..............THEN WE'RE "GOIN' TO WAR'' AND ''OUR'' SON'S HAVE NO SAY IN THE ''WAR'' OTHERTHAN TO GO AND DIE FOR THEIR god AND COUNTRY. WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THAT??

THE SHIT IS (THIS IS JUST 'RECENT' SHIT):

THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION
NAPOLEONIC WARS
THE WAR OF 1812
THE MEXICAN WAR
THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR
THE SPANISH AMERICAN WAR
THE CHINESE CIVIL WAR
WORLD WAR I
WORLD WAR II (EUROPE AND ASIA)
THE KOREAN WAR
THE ARAB-ISRAELI WARS
THE VIETNAM WAR
BEIRUT
DOMINICAN REPUBLIC
FALKLAND ISLANDS
GRENADA
PANAMA
IRAN-IRAQ WAR
THE GULF WAR
SOMALIA
THE CURRENT WAR

GET THE POINT, FUCK HEADS?

PICK A WAR, ANY FUCKING WAR...........SONS AND DAUGHTERS DIE, CHILDREN DIE, GRAND PARENTS DIE, THE GUY WHO RENTS CAMELS DIES, THE GARBAGE MAN'S SON DIES, CATS DIE AND IN JAPAN, EVERYTHING DIED.

SADDAM'S SONS DIED.

I HAVE 2 SONS ALSO.









Tuesday, July 22, 2003

I HAVE 2 SONS ALSO....






ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER MUSIC CAMP.

MY DAY STARTED OUT KIND OF SHITTY, ALL THOUGH THE LADY WHERE I WAS ABOUT TO BUY MY GARGANTUAN (DID JOHN HOLMES RELATE TO THAT?) LANE LOUNGE CHAIR (6'8'', 350 POUNDS) WARNED ME: THE SOCIAL SECURITY OFFICE LADY SAID IT WOULD TAKE 60-90 DAYS TO PROCESS MY DISABILITY SETTLEMENT MONEY; FUCK, NOW I'LL HAVE TO USE CROTCH BURN MEDICINE TO COOL DOWN MY 'SHOPPING SPREE ITCH'. I GUESS THE START WAS DOUBLE SHITTY, AS WELL AS THE S.S.A. 'WORD OF THE DAY' AND I HAD A BOWEL MOVEMENT TOO.

ANOTHER DAY. ANOTHER MUSIC CAMP. EZRA DIDN'T VISIT ME TODAY BUT THE 'ANGEL OF DEATH' DID. I GUESS IT WAS RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LITTLE PEOPLE SINGING, ''LET IT BE'' WHEN I HAD THE BRAIN FART INSPIRED BY THE 'ANGEL'.

HOW MANY INCREDIBILY GIFTED SINGERS HAVE DIED 'WAY BEFORE THEIR TIME'...................?: PRESTLEY, LENNON, CROCE, DENVER,CHAPIN, NELSON, COBAIN, HENDRICKS AND MY ALL TIME FAVORITE LADY SINGER, JANIS JOPLIN. THEY ALL DIED TRAGICALLY, WHETHER BY ACCIDENT OR SELF ______!! IF YOU TOOK ALL OF THEIR MUSIC AND PUT IT ON 1 CD SET, IT WOULD BE ENOUGH MUSIC FOR A LIFETIME. DON'T AGREE? WELL, FUCK YOU AND YOUR BELLIE BUTTON SINGERS, MICHAEL THE MOLESTOR AND TWO NOTE ASSHOLES WITH COWBOY HATS........................'LET IT BE'...........


'THE LITERARY CAT': ''IF MAN COULD BE CROSSED WITH THE CAT, IT WOULD IMPROVE MAN BUT DETERIORATE THE CAT.''
****MARK TWAIN, American writer



I WOULD SURE HATE TO BE THE BUTLER IN THE WHITE HOUSE BECAUSE I AM SURE THAT BY THE TIME GEORGE GETS THRU TRYING TO 'PASS THE BUCK' DOWN THE WHITEHOUSE 'STAFF' LADDER, REGARDING THE WEAPONS OF YOU KNOW WHAT AND THE URANIUM LIE, THE CRY WILL BE ''THE BUTLER DID IT!!".

NOW THE BLAME ON THE URIANIUM LIE IS BEING DUMPED ON A BUSH AIDE (ANOTHER LEMON), STEPHEN HADLEY, DEPUTY NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER.

ACTUALLY, oldcatman SHOULD BE CAREFULL, AS I COULD EVENTUALLY GET BLAMED FOR THE NIGER FUCK UP AND I DIDN'T EVEN MISS PRONOUNCE IT!!


KOBE REVISITED: I GUESS THE EVIDENCE AGAINST THE SLAM-DUNKER JUST MIGHT PUT HIM AWAY. SURE GET A KICK OUT OF WATCHING THAT TIGHT ASSED (WHAT ELSE CAN IT BE?) DISTRICT ATTORNEY THAT WILL BE PROSECUTING KOBE. DOES SHE REA;LLY HAVE PHYSICAL INJURIES TOO? HEY, KOBE, WAS SHE A VIRGIN?

BUT AN INTERESTING OBSERVATION: IS THERE SUCH A THING AS A PERSON BEING RAPED BY THE 'CELEBRITY STATUS' OF A PERSON?
IN OTHER WORDS, WOULD THIS 'CHICK' HAVE GONE UP TO ANYBODY ROOM OR DID SHE GO TO THE ROOM BECAUSE OF KOBE'S 'CELEBRITY STATUS'.................GETS LAID AND THEN DECIDES THAT A 'CELEBRITY' (STATUS) RAPED HER...............FOOD FOR THOUGHT...
DON'T AGREE? WELL THEN, EAT ME...GOOD FOOD...FOR THOUGHT.

E! ENTERTAINMENT TELEVISION: 101 MOST SHOCKING MOMENTS IN ENTERTAINMENT: #10 MONICA LEWINSKY 'SCANDALIZES THE COUNTRY'............WHAT THE FUCK??? THE ONLY ENTERTAINMENT HERE WAS BILL'S, MONICA'S AND THE CIGAR. 'SCANDALIZE THE COUNTRY': YOU MEAN REPULICAN PARTY WEAPONRY AND RELIGIOUS
RIGHT 'HISSY-FITS'......................I'D PICK BILL (REGARDLESS IF HE ENHALED OR NOT) AS A BONG PARTNER ANY DAY OVER GEORGE (DON'T EVER USE 'COKE', GEORGE.)!!


BIRTHS OF NOTE: ERNEST HEMMINGWAY; DON KNOTTS, CAT STEVENS, ROBIN WILLIAMS, JON LOVITZ.

DEATHS: BASIL RATHBONE, DAVE GARROWAY.

EVENTS: JESSE JAMES' FIRST TRAIN ROBBERY, SOVIET UNION ANNEXES, LITHUANIA, LATVIA AND ESTONIA (MY FIRST WIFE WAS BORN THERE), IN NEW YORK 57 MURDERS HAPPENED IN 24 HOURS (IS THIS WHAT MADE NYPD, BLUE?), FIRST DOCUMENTED EVIDENCE OF A ROBOT KILLING A HUMAN, BLOGWORLD TELLS oldcatman THAT THIS
'HAPPENED TODAY' BIT IS PURE BORING CRAP...HEY, THEY ARE PACKAGED BRAIN FARTS!! I COULD LIST TONIGHT'S TV GUIDE FAVORITES? QUOTE ANN LANDERS? OR 'PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE' BUT I CAN'T TYPE IN A STANDING POSITION.



****I HAVE 2 SONS ALSO.**** WORD FROM IRAQ IS THAT UDAY AND QUSAY HUSSEIN WERE KILLED TODAY IN A FIREFIGHT WITH US FORCES. YOU KNOW, SADDAM IS A BAD ASS FUCKER, THE ENEMY,
AN 'EVIL OF THE AXIS', A TRYANT AND EVERY OTHER 'ANGRY THOUGHT' THAT YOU CAN BESTOW ON HIM. THE SAME COULD BE SAID OF UDAY AND QUSAY.............................BUT ALSO IN REALITY,
THESE WERE A FATHER'S 2 SONS...AND I HAVE 2 SONS, SO MY HEART GOES OUT TO SADDAM.

DON'T TAKE ME TO BE ANTI AMERICAN, 90%ERS, BUT STARTING WITH GEORGE AND GOING AS FAR DOWN THE POLITICAL LADDER AS YOU CAN, WHERE WILL YOU FIND THE FIRST SON(S) OF ANY OF THESE POLITICALS IN IRAQ AND ON THE FRONT LINES???? OH YEAH, PROBABLY A SON OF THE MAN WHO PICKS UP THE GARBAGE AT THE WHITEHOUSE IS TRYING TO STAY ALIVE IN IRAQ.

****I HAVE 2 SON ALSO****

WELL, TIME TO WRAP THIS UP LIKE A DEAD FISH IN NEWSPAPER (AND MAIL SAID FISH TO GEORGE).................

SUNNY-D, DEEDEE AND BLAKKEE ARE ALL DOING FINE. THE 2 NEW CHICKS ON THE BLOCK, ARE BEST OF FRIENDS NOW AND SUNNY-D STILL GLARES AT THEM FOR BREAKING UP HIS SLEEP CYCLE.


REST IN PEACE.

"MEOW."





Monday, July 21, 2003

THERE'S A BLACK CHICK IN MY BEDROOM






FIRST DAY OF MUSIC CAMP...IT WENT QUITE WELL. HAD TO MAKE A COUPLE OF EXTRA RUNS BACK TO THE HOUSE; MY SISTER FORGOT THE SNACKS (ALL KINDS OF LITTLE EVIL CARBS FOR THE LITTLE PEOPLE TO MUNCH DURING MORNING AND AFTERNOON BREAKS; I BOUGHT A CAN OF MIXED NUTS FOR MY SNACK.).

YESTERDAY, WHILE FARTING, I WASN'T SURE IF I WOULD HAVE THE ENERGY TO DO MUCH AFTER CAMP....BUT LO AND BEHOLD (IS THAT LIKE GRABBING SOMEBODY IN THE CROTCH?) I DO!!

EZRA VISITED ME A COUPLE OF TIMES TODAY.

Sometimes it is hard to cope;
The future at best a hangin' rope.
'Til you look into 'their' eyes:
A glimering brightness of hope.

****Ode to the Little People: 11:45am, 072103
BY Oldcatman

They flutter among one another;
Planning to reflect on their mother?
Or taking a course they think true,
To a world sparked anew.

***Ode to The Little People: 3:30pm, 072103

..............AND I MENTIONED A 'COUPLE' OF TRIPS BACK HOME......WELL, WHEN I WAS FEEDING THE CHICKENS LAST NIGHT, I CHECKED THE EGGS THAT SUNNY-D'S MOM WAS SITTING ON....PICKED UP A SHATTERED EGG THAT I THOUGHT WAS A CHICK THAT DIDN'T MAKE IT AND TOSSED IT TO AFLACK (WHO LIKES EGG SHELLS) AND AT
THAT MOMENT IN TIME, I HEARD A "BEEP!"...THERE WAS A FUCKING LIVE CHICK IN THAT EGG! I GRABBED IT AWAY FROM THE DUCK AND THIS LITTLE YELLOW CHICK burst OUT OF THE REMAINING EGG...LOOKS LIKE A ANOTHER SURVIVOR. I SCREENED OFF SUNNY-D'S BOX (HE STILL HAS 75% OF THE BOX) AND LET "DEEDEE" HAVE THE REST OF THE SPACE. DEEDEE DID FINE ALL NIGHT AND TO MAKE SURE THE WATER DIDN'T EVAPORATE I CAME HOME (AGAIN) AT NOON...ALL SYSTEMS ARE GO! INCLUDING, DEEDEE SHITTING IN THE DRINKING WATER.....SUNNY-D IS A GOOD TEACHER!!!!

*******THERE'S A BLACK CHICK IN MY BEDROOM. TONIGHT WHEN I FED THE CHICKENS, SUNNY-D AND DEEDEE'S MOM HAD DONE IT AGAIN!!! SHE HAD HATCHED THIS FAT LITTLE BLACK CHICK WHO IS NOW IN MY BEDROOM WITH THE REST OF MY 'FLOCK'.....THE NEW ONES NAME IS "BLAKKEE".......BLAKKEE IS DOING FINE TOO, ALL THOUGH, DEEDEE MUST THINK OF ITSELF AS A 'BAD ASS CHICKEN', AS IT HAS BEEN PECKING AT BLAKKEE; OF COURSE, SUNNY-D IS NOT A REAL HAPPY DUDE (REMEMBER, 'THINK ROOSTER') AS DEEDEE HAS DIFFERENT SLEEPING HOURS THAN SUNNY-D DOES..........AND I'M NOT SURE WHEN BLAKKEE WILL ROOST...........................SUNNY-D'S NEW TRICK (BESIDES CLIMBING UP MY ARM) IS WALKING ON THE MANZANITA
BRANCH HE HAS THAT RUNS OFF HIS 'HOUSE'.......................

LIFE IS SO FUCKING PRECIOUS, WHETHER IT BE LITTLE PEOPLE OR LITTLE CHICKS.

BACK TO MUSIC CAMP: MY SISTER HAD THEM SING AND /OR LEARN TO SING: COUNTRY ROADS, EAGLES AND HORSES, HERO, JOY TO THE WORLD, LET IT BE, MY FAVORITE THINGS, ROCKY MOUNTAIN HIGH, TAKING OUR LIVES AND WINNIE THE POOH...GREAT BUNCH OF LITTLE PEOPLE VOICES!!! Looking forward to tomorrow.


ONE OF THE LITTLE PEOPLE IS THE 6 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER OF A YOUNG WOMAN WHO MY SISTER HAD AS A MUSIC CAMP STUDENT WHEN SHE WAS A LITTLE PERSON. I HAD MET THIS LITTLE PERSON
BEFORE AND I HAVE BEEN CALLING HER 'LITTLE PRINCESS'......SHE HAS A ''glimmering brightness of hope " IN HER EYE.........AND I FOUND OUT TODAY THAT SHE CAN SING A PRETTY GOOD TUNE! SHE LOOKS LIKE WHAT I WOULD IMAGINE RAE DAWN CHONG LOOKED LIKE AT THE SAME AGE....................................



AND FOR YOU ASSBITES WHO DON'T KNOW WHO RAE DAWN IS, SHE IS THE DAUGHTER OF TOMMY CHONG OF THE INFAMOUS DUO OF
CHEECH AND CHONG......A FAVORITE OF MY IN PREVIOUS YEARS (THOSE WERE THE DAYS, MY FRIENDS)....."WE" ("MY FRIENDS") CAUGHT A CHEECH AND CHONG CONCERT AT THE CIRCLE STAR THEATRE IN SAN MATEO (??), CALIFORNIA. WE SAT FRONT ROW WITH A BIG BOX OF 'BROWNIES'..EVEN SHARED ONE WITH THE BOYS.
............FUCK, IF I HAD TO DO IT OVER AGAIN....WELL, BREAK OUT THE BROWNIE PAN!

RAE DAWN IS ONE OF MY 'HERO' WOMAN; FAVORITE MOVIE ROLE:
The little lady who knows how to build a fire (literally and sexually), in 'QUEST FOR FIRE'.......HER THING WITH ARNOLD WAS OK TOO.


LOOK!! RIDING ON A GREAT BLACK HORSE PAINTED WHITE, IT'S......IT'S..................GEORGE BUSH, SAVIOR OF THE WORLD; GALLOPING TOWARDS MONROVIA TO SAVE THE KIN OF THE FOLKS THAT 'YOUR' ANCESTORS FUCKED OVER A FEW YEARS BACK....AND RIDING BEHIND HIM (IS THAT LIKE 'KISSING ASS'?) ARE A BUNCH OF U.S. MARINES.....HMMMMM. WELL, MR. CHENEY, IT WAS 'FRIENDLY FIRE'...I HOPE YOU HAVE A NICE INAUGURATION, DICK. 'CODE BLUE'....OH FUCK................................AND I WOKE UP.



AFTER THAT NIGHTMARE, 'THE LITERARY CAT': ''IT IS REMARKABLE, IN CATS, THAT THE OUTER LIFE THEY REVEAL TO THEIR MASTERS IS ONE OF PERPETUAL CONFIDENT BOREDOM.'' ..................
*******ROBELY WILSON, JR. American writer


E! ENTERTAINMENT TELEVISION: 101 MOST SHOCKING MOMENTS IN ENTERTAINMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET'S CUT TO THE CHASE AND SAVE THE REST FOR LATER..........THE #1 MOST SHOCKING MOMENT IS.................A CLUE PLEASE...Ah.......There's a white chick in my bedroom.......I don't like that jew-boy......................I don't even like Orange Juice...................I've got more shysters that the senior class at the Stanford law school...................Lady Justice is not only blind but she tripped and fell on her ass....................USC didn't invite me to my class reunion.................on fuck it......the hell with #1.

THINK I'LL TRY AND EAT SOMETHING...............ATE LUNCH 'ON THE SCHOOL GROUNDS TODAY', A VEGITARIAN MENU...TASTY BUT GASSY...NOT REAL FARTY BUT I KNOW THAT I HAVE EATEN SOMEBODY ELSE'S FOOD.................WEAK STOMACH??? NO, JUST CAN'T TOLERATE OTHER PEOPLE'S GRUB.............HELL, I CREATE
(I DO NOT 'COOK' BECAUSE TECHNICALLY, OPENING UP A CAN OF CAMPBELL'S AND HEATING IT IS 'COOKING') INCREDIBLE FOOD..LOTS OF SAUCE, GARLIC, ONIONS, VARIOUS VEGIES, JALPENOS, MISC. SPICES AND AROUND A 6 OUNCE PORTION OF MEAT!!!! I SOMETIMES GET TEARS IN MY EYES FROM THE "HEAT" AND BURN OUT MY ASSHOLE THE NEXT DAY...BUT FOOD NEEDS TO BE EXPLOSIVE.
F A R T............................


HEY, GUYS, WHERE ARE YOU??

"MEOW."

"MEOW."

"ARF."

"BEEP."

"BEEP."

"BEEP."

GOOD NIGHT, GUYS.






Sunday, July 20, 2003

CAMP NEXT WEEK






CAMP NEXT WEEK: IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR FOR ONE OF MY SISTER'S ANNUAL SUMMER MUSIC CAMPS FOR LITTLE PEOPLE.

SHE'S BEEN DOING THEM FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER (PLUS DOING OTHER MUSICAL TEACHING STUFF IN BETWEEN) AND SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE SHE WORKED A LOT WITH JOHN DENVER BEFORE HIS UNTIMELY DEATH.

I'VE BEEN CONNECTED WITH THE CAMPS FOR THE LAST 3 SUMMERS.
DO A LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHING.... HELP WITH ART PROJECTS WITH THE KIDS, VIDEO THE FINAL CONCERT, KEEP MY NEPHEW OUT OF TROUBLE...A "GOPHER" OF SORTS.

THE LITTLE PEOPLE ARE TAUGHT HOW TO SING ''REAL'' SONGS, NOT THE THREE BLIND MICE CRAP THAT OTHER SUCH PROGRAMS OFFER.......LOTS OF ART AND RELATED CREATIVITY.

SOMETIMES THOUGH, WHEN I WATCH THE LITTLE PEOPLE, MY OLDCATMAN HEART WONDERS WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS FOR THEM...........OF COURSE, THEY ARE THE FUTURE......MAYBE THEY WILL DO A BETTER JOB....................




UP AND AWAY! OFF THE BLOG CHARTS,
HITTING ''HIM'' WHERE IT REALLY SMARTS!
PUSHING ''HIM'' OUT OF 'THESE HERE PARTS'
WITH CAUSTIC AND HUMEROUS OLD BRAIN FARTS!!!!

*******AN ODE TO GEORGE, BY: oldcatman*******


FOR THOSE WHO LIKE THE 'PERSONAL SHIT': I'VE HAD 2 BOWEL MOVEMENTS SOMETIME THIS A.M.; DIDN'T LOG THE EXACT TIME THE OLD 'LOGS' CAME OUT...JUST KNOW THAT ALL THOSE BLUE BERRIES I ATE YESTERDAY OBVIOUSLY AVOIDED A 'LOG JAM'...GOOD OLD FRUIT FIBER!!!!

I AM REALLY INTO 'THE LITERARY CAT'; I'M SURE THAT EVERYONE WHO LIVES IN THEIR CAT'S HOUSE, APPRECIATES THE 'HUMOR' WITH THESE LINES OF FELINE MAGIC: "IT IS, OF COURSE, TOTALLY POINTLESS TO CALL A CAT WHEN IT IS INTENT ON THE CHASE. THEY ARE DEAF TO THE INTERRUPTIVE NONSENSE OF HUMANS. THEY ARE ON CAT BUSINESS, TOTALLY SERIOUS AND INVOLVED"....JOHN D. MACDONALD, American writer......................................


SPEAKING OF ANIMALS: THE BAGHAD ZOO REOPENED TODAY. COOL.
BUT IT WASN'T COOL WEATHER WISE OR ATTENDANCE WISE. IT WAS 122 DEGREES AND OBVIOUSLY THE IRAQI PEOPLE ARE A BIT FEARFUL OF WANDERING THEIR STREETS AND AT SOME MILITARY CHECK POINTS, IRAQIS WERE NOT ALLOWED TO PASS (ON THEIR OWN STREETS). 68 SECURITY GUARDS ROAMED THE ZOO
GROUNDS. IN 2001 THE ZOO HAD 1.5 MILLION VISITORS BUT WAS CLOSED IN 2002. IT WAS SCHEDULED TO REOPEN 040703 AFTER SADDAM ALLOCATED $27 MILLION FOR A ZOO FACE LIFT....OBVIOUSLY, THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. DURING THE WAR, THE ZOO WAS AS AN 'IRAQI' FORT AND SADDAMS SOLDIERS USED THE CAGES AS DEFENSIVE POSITIONS. FOR THE SAKE OF THE ANIMALS, LET'S HOPE THE ZOO GETS FIXED UP AS WELL AS THE OIL WELLS WILL.
.................'WILDAID', A SAN FRANCISCO WILDLIFE GROUP HAS EARMARKED $200,000 TO HELP THE ZOO. SOMEDAY, THE ANIMALS OF THE WORLD WILL GET THEIR REVENGE!!!!


WHAT HAPPENED TODAY????

***IN 1519, INNOCENT IX, 230TH ROMAN CATHOLIC POPE WAS BORN.......WAS HE INNOCENT AROUND LITTLE BOYS???
***IN 1939, NATALIE WOOD WAS BORN...DID SHE KNOW HOW TO SWIM??
***IN 1940, TONY OLIVA, THE BASEBALL PLAYER WAS BORN; I WONDER IF HE IS NOW AN oldballplayerman??
***IN 1951, ABDULLAH IBN HUSSEIN, JORDAN'S KING WAS WHACKED IN JERUSALEM.....................I WONDER, ANY RELATION TO... OR MAYBE IN CAMEL COUNTRY, HUSSEIN IS LIKE SMITH AND JONES IS IN THE 'US OF A'?
***IN 1960, THE USSR (YOU REMEMBER THEM?) RECOVERED 2 DOGS, THE FIRST LIVING ORGANISMS TO RETURN FROM SPACE......AND THEN CAME AN ''ALIEN'' ATTEMPT BUT 'JONESY AND HIS PERSON DESTROYED THEM!!
***IN 1969, NEIL ARMSTONG AND EDWIN ALDRIN BECAME THE FIRST MEN ON THE MOON..........AND SPEAKING OF THE $500 BILLION BUDGET DEFICIT........
***IN 1991, MIKE TYSON IS ACCUSED OF RAPING A MISS BLACK AMERICA CONTESTANT...............AND KOBE DID IT WITH A WHITE CHICK!!


I CAN SEE IT NOW ON 'COPS' TV NEXT YEAR..............THEY WILL SPOTLIGHT, THE SOON TO BE ACTIVATED (AFTER TRAINING), 7000 MEMBER IRAQI SECURITY FORCE (MEN AND WOMEN). GREAT! THEN MAYBE OUR GUYS CAN STOP PLAY "COP" AND COME HOME...SORT OF THE OLD GET TO GET OUT OF DODGE ROUTINE!!!! I WONDER IF THE IRAQIS WILL HAVE ENOUGH HARLEY'S TO RIDE ON..MAYBE CAMELS WILL HAVE TO DO. WILL THE LADY 'COPS' COVER THEIR
FACES WITH THOSE SCARF THINGS? HOW NEAT: COP BLUE UNIFORM LIKE SHEETS?...WITH A BADGE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR TOWEL WRAPPED HEAD? PART OF THEIR TRAINING WILL BE TO WATCH RE-RUNS OF ''ONE ADAM-12" AND ''THE SHIELD'', TO LEARN THE GOOD COP/BAD COP ROUTINE.................''DUM. DE. DUM. DUM."


WELL, I MAY CUT IT SHORT..............IS THAT WHAT LORENA BOBBITT
SAID???? OR WAS IT THE ARMY BARBER? OR WAS IT NICHOLAS AND LISA'S MARRIAGE? OR IS THAT WHAT MARTIN SAID ABOUT HIS 'A & E' TV BITS? OR WHAT god SAID TO MICKEY ROONEY'S PARENTS? OR WHAT EVERYBODY IS WISHING ABOUT THESE BRAIN FARTS?


WELL, WHAT A LITTLE TRYST THAT WAS.............

LET'S SEE, THE ANIMALS..............''JC'' KITTY IS PROWLING ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER TOP. PEP'PURR IS I DON'T KNOW WHERE. SUE-SUE, THE DOG IS YOU KNOW WHERE. SUNNY-D IS SHITTING IN HIS WATER; I DID ASK THE FEED STORE LADY HOW YOU TELL IF ITS A ROOSTER AND HER ANSWER WAS "WHEN IT CROWS"...SOUNDS LIKE A FUCKING 'CHICKEN JOKE' TO ME!!.


"MEOW"......................WAS THAT ''JC'' YOU ASK? NO IT IS 5:45 PM AND I HAVE A "MEOW" TIME ALERT EVERY 15 MINUTES ON MY COMPUTER CLOCK.....HOW'S THAT FOR BEING A TRUE oldcatman?? NO, I DON'T WEAR... KITTY-CAT UNDERWEAR....HUMMMM, NOT A BAD IDEA . I DO HAVE SEVERAL CAT EARRINGS. SINCE I HAVE NOT HAD A HAIRCUT IN 10 YEARS, I DO COUGH UP A 'HAIR BALL' NOW AND THEN....RIGHT.

AGAIN, NEXT WEEK COULD BE HIT OR MISS WITH MY BRAIN FARTS, DEPENDING ON THE CAMP TIME SCHEDULE.....IF YOU MISS ME REAL BAD READ THE ARCHIVES..OR E-MAIL ME AT: oldcatman.worldnet.att.net

OR IF YOU'RE REALLY DESPERATE YOU CAN ALWAYS.....................YOURSELF.

GOOD NIGHT 'GUYS':

"MEOW.''

''MEOW.''

''ARF.''

''BEEP.''















Saturday, July 19, 2003

E-MAIL GEORGE....IF YOU DARE!!






LOTS OF PHYSICAL CHANGES HERE TODAY.

I AM TERRIBLY NEAR SIGHTED AND HAVE BEEN SINCE I WAS A YOUNGCATMAN, ACTUALLY 'YOUNGDOGMAN' AS I DIDN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH CATS UNTIL SOMETIME IN MY FORTIES; I HAD 'TUFFIE' (A COCKER/CHOW/LAB MIX; WITH THE PROVERBIAL BLACKENED TONGUE), "BARNEY" (A BROWN DACHSHUND) AND MUFFERS (A BEAGLE)...............FIRST CAT WAS 'JONES KITTY' (WE'LL 'VISIT' JONES KITTY AT A LATER FART SESSION), NAMED AFTER THE ORANGE CAT IN 'ALIEN'........AW, BRAIN FARTS...........SEE HOW THEY SIDE TRACK YOU?

CHANGES: IN AN ATTEMPT TO SEE THE SCREEN BETTER, I THOUGHT WITH MY NEW FOUND WEALTH, I WOULD BUY A PAIR OF RX GLASSES JUST FOR THE COMPUTER..............BUT THEN, I REMEMBER THAT MY FATHER USE TO BUY READING GLASSES AT THE 5 & DIME THAT WORKED JUST FINE FOR
READING. I WENT TO OUR LOCAL RX STORE AND CHECKED OUT THEIR READING GLASSES..THEY WERE ALL TOO POWERFUL AND AT 'COMPUTER READING' LEVEL THEY ALL BLURRED OUT ON ME. CAME HOME AND WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING IN MY DESK (AN ADVENTURE!!) AND FOUND AN OLD PAIR OF READING GLASSES (ONLY) AND, FINALLY THE CHANGE, THEY WORK BETTER FOR LOOKING AT THE SCREEN THAN DO MY NAKED EYES.

MORE CHANGES: I CLEANED MY FUCKING KEYBOARD AND NOW WHEN I HIT 'G' IT DOESN'T STICK AND GIVE ME A LINE OF 'G'S' OR AN 'F' OR AN 'H' IN PLACE OF A 'G'.

AW, CHANGES..........EVENTS THAT MAKE LIFE SUCH AN EXCITING ADVENTURE.

JUST FINISHED OFF SOME SWISS CHEESE AND SOFT WHOLE WHEAT TORTILLAS (50 CALORIES, 3 NET CARBS AND 2 GRAMS OF FAT)...HAD FRESH BLUE BERRIES FOR AN AFTERNOON 'SNACK' AND FOR BRUNCH I HAD A GREAT ROAST BEEF DELI SANDWICH FROM THE LOCAL "A & P".

THESE FARTS ARE GETTING TOO FUCKING PERSONAL; LIKE MOST OF THE OTHER BLOGS I READ.........LET'S SEE....AT 9:42 AM I HAD A GOOD BOWEL MOVEMENT..............SET UP THE IRRIGATION PIPE TO WATER THE ORCHARD, MY SISTER AND I PUT BIRD NETTING OVER THE PEACH TREE TO KEEP OUR FINE FEATHERED LITTLE FUCKERS FROM EATING OUR FRUIT, WENT TO TOWN, STOPPED AT A YARD SALE, WENT TO THE LOCAL RADIO SHACK THAT ALSO SELLS FURNITURE AND BOUGHT A $900 RECLINER (FOR $675) WITH MY NEW WEALTH AND IT IS BUILT BY LANE FOR A PERSON UP TO 6'8'' AND 350 POUNDS (I'M A 'TAD' SMALLER THAN THAT!!), DID THE GLASSES THING, CHECKED A GIFT SHOP FOR ANYTHING 'WOLFIE' TO ADD TO MY WOLF NECKLACE, BOUGHT 200 POUNDS OF CRACKED CORN FOR THE CHICKENS, MAILED SOME MAIL, DROPPED OFF MY PHONE BILL AT THE PHONE OFFICE, STOPPED AT THE LOCAL "A & P" (BOUGHT THAT DELI SANDWICH) AND 6 BAGS OF ICE FOR MY SISTER AND GLEANED 2 BAGS OF VEGIES FOR THE CHICKENS...............AND WENT HOME. AT 11:23 AM I HAD ANOTHER BOWL MOVEMENT.


E-MAIL GEORGE....IF YOU DARE!! I 'DON'T DARE' BECAUSE OF MY FEAR THAT I MIGHT GET A VISIT FROM A CIA HIT SQUAD BECAUSE I HAVE 'ANTI GEORGE' STICKERS ON MY TRUCK (ALONG WITH A PEACE SYMBOL, 'HONK TO SEE FINGER' AND A STICKER THAT SAYS ''MY CAT IS SMARTER THAN YOUR KID..."...............................................BUT LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.
PICK A WEB SITE BUT MAKE SURE YOU GET THE RIGHT ONE...TRY THEM BOTH FOR KICKS!!!!!
president@whitehouse.com AND president@whitehouse.gov
'TIS A TRIP!!!!! THE ".COM" IS A PORN SIGHT AND THE ".GOV" IS AN EMAIL (AMONG OTHER BULLSHIT)CONNECTION TO THE REAL WHITE HOUSE; PLUS WHITEHOUSE PHONES NUMBERS: COMMENTS: 202-456-1111; SWITCHBOARD:
02-456-1414 or fax: 202-456-2461............................ENJOYED THE 'SITES' BUT IN RETROSPECT, NOT SURE WHICH WAS THE TRUE 'PORN' SITE....HA. HA...AND FUCK YOU TOO, 'CIA'!!


AIRFORCE BASE OF THE DAY: GOODFELLOW AFB, TEXAS.........1,137 ACRES WEST OF SAN ANGELO, TEXAS (WHERE EVER THAT IS?) THAT HAS 150 BUILDINGS TOTALLING 1.2 MILLION SQUARE FEET, 4,400 COMPUTERS(I WONDER HOW I COULD GET THEM ALL TO LOG ON TO oldcatman.blogspot.com?), APPROXIMATELY 2,480 UNIFORMED AND CIVILIAN PERSONNEL AND AN AVERAGE DAILY STUDENT ATTENDANCE OF 1,200. ***IS THE AIRFORCE ACADEMY THIS BIG?*** THE AFB ALSO SHARES FACILITIES WITH SEVERAL MILITARY INTELLIGENCE (an oxymoron?) UNITS, A DETACHMENT OF 'JAR HEADS' AND THE BASE HOSTS A DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION TIRE TESTING FACILITY (I WONDER IF FIRESTONE FLUNKED 'OUT', AS IN 'BLOW'??)....................GOODFELLOW, AFB: ANOTHER WORLD WIDE PEACE KEEPING FACILITY AND CONTRIBUTOR TO THE $500 BILLION BUDGET DEFICIT......''OFF WE GO INTO THE WILD BLUE YONDER...................."

SLIP IN TO SOME CAT SHIT HERE (LITERALLY OR FIGURITIVELY?) WITH ''THE LITERARY CAT'': THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO RESHAPE THE WORLD BY FORCE AND ARGUMENT, BUT THE CAT JUST LIES THERE, DOZING, AND THE WORLD QUIETLY RESHAPES ITSELF TO SUIT HIS COMFORT AND CONVENIENCE. ALLEN and IVY DODD, American writers***************


FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES: HUMBLE PADDLEFISH FULFILLS SOUTHERNERS' CAVIAR DREAMS................I GUESS THE WORLD WIDE STURGEON POPULATION IS IN DANGER AND AN GOOD REPLACE FOR THEIR CAVIAR (EGGS) ARE THE EGGS OF THE PADDLEFISH....I'M HAVING TROUBLE VISUALIZING A PADDLEFISH AND THE ARTICLE HAD NO PICTURE...BUT DOESN'T IT HAVE A LONG FLAT NOSE LIKE A PLATYPUS????....MY REAL ISSUE HERE IS THE CAVIAR.............CAVIAR LOVERS MUST NOT BE FISHERMEN..I USE
TO BE AND FISH EGGS TO ME ARE THOSE JARS OF LITTLE DYED 'SALMON EGGS' (ONE BRAND WAS PAUTZKE) THAT I USED TO CATCH TROUT....OR USING 'SLABS' OF 'FRESH FROM THE BELLIE' NATURAL EGGS TO CATCH SALMON. UGH! NOTHING LIKE CUTTING OPEN A FISH TO GUT IT AND TO ENCOUNTER A CLUMP OF EGGS....NOT ONLY DID YOU KILL 'A FISH' BUT THEORETICALLY AND ENTIRE SCHOOL OF FISH.............ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I QUIT FISHING. GOOD LUCK TO THE PADDLEFISH VENTURE...HUMMMMM. A BOWL OF PADDLEFISH EGGS WITH A VODKA CHASER...GOOD SHIT, IVAN!!


SOMETHING ELSE FOR ME PLAY WITH (BESIDES PAM): E ENTERTAINMENT TELEVISION IS SHOWING A SPECIAL CALLED '101 MOST SHOCKING MOMENTS IN ENTERTAINMENT'...................THERE WERE THINGS THAT YOU HAD FOGOTTEN ALL ABOUT AND ARE PROBABLY BEST FORGOTTEN...........

ONE OF MY FAVORITE LADIES: #12, HEIDI FLEISS EXPOSED.
AND HUGH GRANT CAME IN #81, BUSTED WITH A STREET HOOKER; ASSHOLE SHOULD HAVE CONNECTED UP WITH HEIDI!
#85, JESSICA HAHN BRINGS DOWN (OR GOES DOWN?) JIM BAKKER.
#3, MIKEY JACKSON ACCUSED OF SEX ABUSE (SELF OR OTHERWISE?).
#37, PEE-WEE HERMAN EXPOSED (PLAYING WITH HIS 'PEE-PEE', WATCHING PORN IN A THEATRE AND EATING POPCORN..SIMULTANEOUSLY? SALTY?).
#79 (OR 69?) PAM & TOMMY'S SEX TAPE SNEAKS OUT.
#62 WOODY ALLEN WEDS SOON-YI-PREVIN (AND MIA DIDN'T ATTEND THE WEDDING!).
......................MANY MORE. A GREAT TV SPECIAL............WATCH IT ON ''E''!!


HOW FUCKED UP ARE PEOPLE???? THEY (WHO EVER 'THEY' ARE, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!) ARE HAVING AN AUCTION TO SELL OFF SOME VERY PERSONAL STUFF OF JOHN KENNEDY (THE MAN!!), JACKIE AND EVEN CAROLINE. SOME OF THE PRESIDENT'S BOXER SHORTS , PERSONALIZED BOXER SHORTS FROM WORLD WAR TWO AND HIS 'PJ'S'. JACKIE'S STUFF INCLUDES LIPSTICKS, SHOES, SUITS, NIGHTGOWNS AND DRESSES...AND A JAPANESE BARBIE OWNS BY CAROLINE..........................THIS IS GHOULISH. ONLY A PERVERT WOULD WANT JOHN'S BOXER SHORTS....PROCEEDS MAYBE GOING TO A COULD CAUSE, BUT LETTING JOHN REST IN PEACE IS A BETTER CAUSE.


THE OLD CLOCK ON THE WALL SAYS 'IT'S TIME TO GO............'
ACTUALLY, A CLOCK REALLY DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING......BOTH THE BIG HAND AND THE LITTLE HAND ARE ON THE ''9''.............................AND THERE IS SOMETHING SOFT AND ALIVE UNDER MY DESK..................IT'S PEP'PURR BOY!!
''JC'' KITTY IS PISSED AT ME BECAUSE I DIDN'T GIVE HER ANY SWISS CHEESE! SUE-SUE, THE DOG IS, AS USUAL, ON THE FLOOR BEHIND ME............I HAD ANOTHER BOWEL MOVEMENT AT 7:15 PM AND UNTIL TOMORROW AT ABOUT 8AM (WHEN I SOULD HAVE ANOTHER BOWEL MOVEMENT..................STRANGE TERM: BOWEL MOVEMENT.....WOULD DISCHARGE BE A MORE LITERAL TERM?
OR FLUSH? BETTER YES....A 'BOWEL OUT'......CRAP..YEAH, THAT'S IT.

SAY ''HI'' AT oldcatman@worldnet.att.net IF YOU DARE, CHICKENSHIT!!


GOOD NIGHT, SUNNY-D!

""BEEP."





Friday, July 18, 2003

DOUBLE DRIBBLE, B-B FANS!!






AFTER YESTERDAY'S TRIP (LITERALLY AND 'FIGURATIVELY') TO GRAND JUNCTION I AM NOW 'LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK' (ACTUALLY MY DISABILITY WINDFALL WILL COME VIA DIRECT DEPOSIT, I SUSPECT; WHICH MEANS, AS THE 'DEPOSIT' TIMES NEARS, I WILL BE DOING A (IE) 'BART SIMPSON', WHINING EVERY MORNING TO MY BANK: ''IS IT THERE YET? IS IT THERE YET? IS IT THERE YET?''

IN REALITY, A $16K PLUS WINDFALL IS A 'SHIT POT' (SOMEDAY WE'LL HAVE TO EXPLORE THIS WELL WORN TERM) FULL OF $$$$ TO ME BUT IN COMPARISON TO OTHER 'POTS' THAT EXIST IN THE WORLD, ITS NOT EVEN A 'DROP IN THE BUCKET' (ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE FUCKING TERMS OF INTEREST)...........CAPITALISM SUCKS.............I PREFER 'SMALL C' communism AS A WAY TO LIVE ONES LIFE.....OH YEAH!! I CAN HEAR IT NOW! "I KNEW IT! THAT oldcatman IS A 'COMMIE PINKIE' (DAMN ANOTHER 'TERM'!)!''......................FUCK OFF................

SPENT THIS MORNING MAKING A 'LAUNDRY LIST' (TERM.......?) OF WHAT TO SPEND MY WINDFALL ON............AND SPEND I WILL. SAVING MONEY 'FOR A RAINY DAY' (TER_ ?) AT MY AGE BENEFITS NOTHING BUT MY ESTATE!

NEW 32'' TV; TIRES AND 'MAKE OVER' FOR MY TRUCK; ENHANCE MY I-MAC; GO TO THE BUNNY RANCH ; ENHANCE MY HOUSE (VIEW WINDOW ON THE WEST SIDE OF MY 'BIG ROOM', TILE MY KITCHEN SINK AND BREAKFAST BAR AND MAYBE PUT IN A REAL TOILET...I HAVE A COMPOSTING TOILET NOW AND I AM TIRED OF EMPTYING MY OWN SHIT, COMPOSTED OR NOT......AND IF THE COPS EVERY RAIDED ME, I HAVE NO TOILET TO FLUSH DOWN THE ''GOODS''.....JUST SPEND, SPEND, SPEND!! HELP MY SISTER FEND OFF THE I.R.S.............SET UP A
CREMATION FUND (MAYBE? DOES ONE REALLY GIVE A SHIT HOW THEY ARE 'DISPOSED OF' AFTER THEY CROAK, MUCH LESS HOW THE 'DISPOSAL' IS PAID FOR?).


ANYWAY.........................ON WITH THE F=A=R=T=S!!


DOUBLE DRIBBLE, B-B FANS: BASKETBALL IS NOT A FAVORITE SPORT OF MIND, PROFESSION, AMATEUR OR JUST PLAYING IN THE PARK.

KOBE IS IN DEEP DEEP SHIT................SEXUAL ASSAULT: RAPE? ADULTERY? PROBABLY DOESN'T MATTER (EXCEPT FOR POSSIBLE JAIL TIME), AS THIS INCIDENT WILL CERTAINLY ''BLEMISH'' HIS GOOD (AND VALUABLE NAME..WHAT SAY, NIKE, WHEATIES, BURGER KING?.....MIGHT SCORE WELL NOW WITH THE TROJAN FOLKS.

LOGIC WOULD SAY THAT IT REALLY HAPPENED THE WAY THE CHICKIE IS CLAIMING. IF SHE WAS TRYING TO 'SHAKE HIM DOWN' FOR $$$$, WHY ACCUSE HIM.................UNLESS SHE DID AND KOBE SAID 'FUCK OFF, BITCH!' TOO BAD, I WISH THE NEW 'MICHAEL JORDON' WELL.

THE DOUBLE DRIBBLE? 'MY MAN' WANTS BACK! DENNIS RODMAN, AGE 42, BAD BOY, BLUE HAIR, RINGS IN HIS NOSE, EARS AND LIP, LEADER OF THE NBA IN REBOUNDS FOR 7 DIFFERENT YEARS (QUITE A FEAT FOR AN NBA 'RUNT' OF 6'8'') AND BEST 'TRAIT' OF ALL, HAS BEDDED CARMEN! HE'S AN 'ELECTRA' BASKETBALL MAN!!!!

HEY, MRS. GOOMBA. THE WIDOW OF ANOTHER ONE OF MY HEROES
JUST HAD AN ART SHOW OF HER 'NUDES' IN NEW YORK AT GALE-MARTIN FINE ART. THE WORK PRICES FROM $4,500 TO $6,500!
EVEN HAS A PAINTING OF HER DEAD HUSBAND BUT COMMENTS THAT HE PROBABLY WOULD NOT APPROVE OF HER WORK BECAUSE HE DIDN'T APPROVE OF WOMEN BEING TOPLESS.....SHE SIGNS HER WORK "V. GOTTI, SR."...HER DAUGHTER'S NAME IS ALSO VICTORIA............AMEN, JOHN.


MILITARY BASE OF THE DAY: MORON AIR BASE, SPAIN.............NICE NAME, GOES WITH ALL OF THE MORONIC WORLD WIDE 'FORTS'. YOU GET TO BE AN AIR FORCE 'MORON' FOR A 15 MONTH STINT AND FOR '24', YOU CAN BRING THE FAMILY. THE BASE JUST WENT THRU A $1.3
MILLION HOUSING RENOVATION. THE BASE HAS ALL THE COMFORTS OF HOME:A LIBRARY, FITNESS CENTER, SWIMMING POOL, A FAMILY
DINING FACILITY, NAVY EXCHANGE SERVICE NEXMART (A JUNIOR K-MART?), A CONVIENCE STORE (RUN BY ABDULLA?), 2 DAYS A WEEK BANKING, BOOKSTORE, BOWLING ALLEY, TENNIS COURTS, AND CERAMICS SHOP....WHAT NO TACO BELL? AND I'M WORRIED ABOUT THE EFFECT OF MY SOCIAL SECURITY WINDFALL ON THE $500 BILLION BUDGE DEFICIT. HA. HA.

SADDAM HAS NOW BEEN GONE FOR 100 DAYS..............BLAIR AND BUSH ARE CAUGHT BETWEEN THE ROLES OF HENNIE-PENNY AND THE BOY WHO CRIED WOLF..............AND OUR SOLDIERS KEEP GETTING KILLED.
INNOCENT IRAQI'S KEEP GETTING KILLED...........BECHTEL WILL BE GETTING RICHER..............AND FUCK YOU, EXXON. AND DITTO, GEORGE.


THE E.P.A MARCHES ON................'THEY' (THOSE SCARY FOLKS IN THOSE SPACE SUITS THAT GLOW IN THE DARK) HAVE STARTED LONG TERM CLEAN UP ON 10 SITES AND PUTTING 10 OTHER SITES FOR CLEAN UP LATER; THUS, AVOIDING POSSIBLE BIRTH DEFECTS AND THE LIKE FOR 10 COMMUNITIES BUT LETTING THE OTHER 10, 'HANG IN THERE' WITHOUT PROVIDING ANY SCARY SPACE SUITS..............LETTING THEM GLOW IN THE DARK ON THEIR OWN.

THE 10 SITES TO BE WORKED, WILL HAVE $49 MILLION TO SHARE.
$49 FUCKING MILLION! AND THE IRAQI BULL SHIT IS COSTING US $3.9 BILLION A MONTH! GEORGE, READ MY LIPS: P-R-I-O-R-I-T-I-E-S. AND THAT BRINGS UP THE 90% OF THE POPULUS THAT HAS THEIR HEADS UP THEIR ASSES.............THE WORLD AND WHAT GOES ON IN THE WORLD
IS NOT LITTLE ISOLATED ''BOXES'' OF EXISTENCE............THEY ARE 'DOTS' AND ALL OF THOSE FUCKING DOTS ARE CONNECTED IF YOU TAKE THE TIME TO LOOK AT THE DOTS AND RELATE THEM TO EACH OTHER. LIKE, THE WORLD IS REALLY ROUND, NOT FLAT, GEORGE AND YOU 90%ERS. WHAT MAKE ME SO SMART? WELL, WHEN I LOOK A HOLE IN THE GROUND, I KNOW THAT IT IS NOT MY ASS (HOLE).

BRAIN FARTS: WHAT MARVELOUS LITTLE THINGS THEY ARE.....ALL OF THE CREATIVITY THAT WAS JAMMED UP IN MY HEAD ALL OF THE TIME AND ON 060103 IT BLEW OUT ON TO THIS VENUE......WRITING MORE NOW THAN I HAVE EVER WRITTEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE TO DATE ...AND AS I EXPOSED YESTERDAY, I AM AN OLD FART (AS WELL AS OLDCATMAN)AT AGE SIXTY THREE.

EVEN THOUGH, BLOGSPOT, IS 100% UNCOOPERATIVE WITH ME, I APPRECIATE THE VENUE..............................BUT IS THERE A BETTER INTERNET SITE TO DISPLAY MY BRAIN FARTS???? LET ME KNOW, PLEASE AT:
oldcatman@worldnet.att.net

''MEOW!!"

WHAT ''JC'' KITTY?.....................................

I FORGOT: THE LITERAY CAT: ''EVEN OVERWEIGHT CATS INSTINCTIVELY
KNOW THE CARDINAL RULE: WHEN FAT, ARRANGE YOURSELF IN SLIM POSES. '' JOHN WEITZ (American designer)


GOOD NIGHT, ''JC'' KITTY................?




...................''MEOW''





Thursday, July 17, 2003

IT WAS A GRAND JUNCTION TODAY






IT WAS A GRAND JUNCTION (OF MINDS) TODAY IN GRAND JUNCTION, COLORADO.

AT 1:30 P.M. TODAY THE MOST IMPORTANT EVENT THAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME IN THE REST OF MY LIVING LIFE ...HAPPENED.

PRETTY STRONG STATEMENT??

YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS IT IS; IN FACT, 'IT' MAYBE THE SOLE TOPIC OF THIS EVENING'S BRAIN FARTS...................AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE 'SOLE TOPIC' CONCEPT THEN GO READ SOME FOREIGNER'S BLOG DRIBBLE (QUE PASA, HOMBRE?) YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD...I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! NOTHING, I SAY NOTHING, CAN ALTER THE ''EVENT'' OF TODAY.



EVEN MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE BIRTH OF MY YOUNGEST SON WHO WAS, IN FACT, BORN ON JULY 17 SEVERAL MOONS AGO....BUT THEN AGAIN, I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE HE IS AND ACTUALLY, OR IF HE IS EVEN STILL ALIVE. (NOR DOES MY OLDEST SON, THE DENVERITE OR MY DAUGHTER, THE LIVERMOREITE.

SAD BUT TRUE.

BUT MY LIFE HAS GONE ON WITH 2 KIDS INSTEAD OF 3 AND I HAVE BECOME MUCH MUCH CLOSER TO MY DENVERITE SON THAN WE EVER HAVE BEFORE (AND BELIEVE ME "BEFORE" IS A LONG PERIOD OF TIME.

CUT TO THE CHASE.................OR IS IT 'CUT THE CHEESE' (AKA 'FART')

HEY, YOU KNOW I LIKE TO FART AROUND, SO WE'LL FART AROUND.

A BREAK FOR ME, NOT BASHING BUSH AND ALL OF HIS ILLUSTRIOUS
BULL SHIT AND FUCK UPS.....AND HIS 'AXIS OF EVIL'.....

AS I MOVE ON WITH TODAY'S ''ADVENTURE'', I SIT HERE AT MY KEYBOARD (A FART MAKER??), WITH ''JC'' KITTY IN HER USUAL PLACE, SUE-SUE, THE DOG
SPRAWLED OUT BEHIND ME, PEP'PURR WHO KNOWS WHERE, SUNNY-D PROBABLY SITTING ON HIS ("I'M THINKING ROOSTER HERE, FOLKS!") 'BOX COOP.' INSIDE OF HIS BOX PEN..........and am I "smoking cigarettes and watching Capt. Kangaroo?????????????" NO, I'M EATING CHILLI COATED PEANUTS AND
HITTING ON A BANANA!! ...ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE 'CULINARY' CREATIONS OF MINE.......................................BUT TODAY MY SISTER AND I LET SOMEONE ELSE DO THE COOKING, AS WE FEASTED AT THE GRAND JUNCTION'S 'RED LOBSTER'.....I CREATED MY OWN SEA FOOD PLATTER: SHRIMP SCAMPI, BROILED SALMON FILET AND A 'SAMPLER
PLATTER' THAT HAD BUTTER COOKED SHRIMP AND BAY SCALLOPS WITH SOME KIND OF CRAB CHEESE THING THROWN IN. PRECEDED BY A 'QUAINT' SALAD WITH BLEU CHEESE DRESSING AND INCLUDING WHITE/WILD RICE AND 1 & 1/2 OF THEIR LITTLE CHEESE BREADS (BAD BAD CARBS HERE!!).

BURP.

IT WAS NOON, AN HOUR AND A HALF TO GO.

MY SISTER IS A SHOP-A-HOLIC (CELEXA IS A CURE FOR SUCH A 'DESEASE') SO WE DECIDED TO KILL TIME AT 'ROSS DEPARTMENT STORE'----THEY SELL
NAME BRAND SHIT AT RIDICULOUSLY LOW PRICES...PROBABLY ANOTHER CAPITALIST CLOG IN THE EXPLOITATION OF FORIEGN LABOR MARKETS (SORRY, KATHY LEE AND MARTHA TOO!).....WE KILLED LOTS OF TIME....I ACTUALLY BOUGHT A SHORT SLEEVED QUASI-LEVI SHIRT FOR $10.......ENCOUNTERED A LADY WHO WORKS AT OUR BANK....CHECKED OUT AND HEADED TO "ROOD" STREET....BUT NOT BEFORE I LET LOOSE WITH SOME REAL GASTRIC FARTS..............PROBABLY MADE 'ROSS' FAINT.

REALLY FUCKING HOT IN 'JUNCTION' (PETTY COAT?.....I WONDER IF THEY PISSED IN THE WATER TANK?). AND WOULD YOU BELIEVE, THE AIR CONDITIONER IS OUT OF 'COOLING SHIT'....BUT WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT A SPRAY BOTTLE FULL OF WATER IS A REAL CHEAP 'COOLER-DOWNER'..SPRAY FACE, WITH WINDOW OPEN, AIR BLOWING IN HITS WET FACE, COOLING ONE'S SELF............................IT WILL NEVER SELL, BUT IT BURNS VERY LITTLE GAS TO OPERATE...........AND I STILL HAD THE GAS FROM THE FISHY FEAST!


HEY, ASSBITE, IT'S MY STORY AND I'LL TELL IT AT MY PACE; IT IS AFTER ALL, A STORY ABOUT A VERY IMPORTANT EVENT IN THE REST OF MY LIFE!!

WHERE IN THE FUCK IS ROOD STREET?

WE MADE MAYBE ONE WRONG TURN BUT WE FOUND ROOD STREET AND NOW WE WERE LOOKING FOR ''302'' ROOD STREET................

SHIT, THAT MUST BE IT!!

A VERY OLD AND ORNATE (FEDERAL GOVERNMENT) BUILDING LOOMED BEORE US AND SO DID A PARKING METER! FORGOT ALL ABOUT THE THRILL OF SHOVING A QUARTER DOWN THIS LITTLE MACHINE'S ASS FOR THE 'PRIVILEGE' OF PARKING ON A STREET........................OH YES, THE FEDERAL BUILDING!!!!

THE HUMAN BEING IS BORN AND THEN THE HUMAN BEING DIES AND SOME WHERE IN BETWEEN THE BODY BORN STARTS TO DETERIORATE....MY DETERIORATION STARTED IN THE 80'S WHEN A FUCKING CEMENT TRUCK REAR-ENDED ME WHILE I SAT INNOCENTLY AT A STOP LIGHT.

AND THE ''''BIG HURT'''' BEGAN.

I HIRED A LOCAL SHYSTER TO 'SUE THEIR ASS FOR EVERY DIME'----WELL, HE FUCKED UP (MALPRACTISE) AND I ''''LOST MY CASE''''--I FOUND ANOTHER 'SHYSTER' TO SUE THE FIRST 'SHYSTER' AND GOT FUCKED AGAIN........I THEN MADE PLANS TO SELL ''MY BUSINESS'' AND GET OUT OF 'DODGE' (ACTUALLY, IT WAS SONORA, CALIFORNIA) BEFORE I PHYSICALLY SETTLED MY PROBLEMS WITH THE LOCAL SHYSTER---SHOOT HIS FUCKING ASS......THAT'S WHEN I OWNED (AND CARRIED, WITH A PERMIT) A COUPLE OF STAINLESS STEEL STUB-NOSED .38'S, A DERRINGER, A BUNTLINE SPECIAL AND A SNAKE-CHARMER (A 24" SHOTGUN)....'CARRIED' ONE AT A TIME, ASSHOLE!

ANYWAY, I REGRESS.....AKA: A SLOW SILENT FART.........................

BACK IN GRAND JUNCTION....................THAT REAR-ENDER WAS THE BEGINNING OF A LONG CHAIN OF PHYSICAL ABERRATIONS THAT HAUNTED ME IN ALL ASPECTS OF MY LIFE.

WHEN I QUIT WORKING IN RENO, I HAD ENOUGH MONEY IN MY POCKET TO LIVE UNTIL I WAS 62 (AH, HA!......AN OLD FART TOO!!!!) AND CASHED IN FOR A BIT OF SOCIAL SECURITY--LESS THAN A GRAND A MONTH TO BE EXACT (SO THAT IS WHY, FOLKS, I DON'T PAY TAXES!).

I DECIDED A YEAR AND A HALF AGO THAT I NEEDED MORE INCOME BUT I ALSO KNEW THAT MY OLD 'BOD' COULDN'T WORK..I APPLIED FOR SOCIAL SECURITY
DISABILITY...WAS IMMEDIATELY DENIED BY SOME DUMB BITCH IN DENVER'S STATE DISABILITY OFFICE...I AM SURE SHE HAD HER HEAD STUCK UP WHERE THE PUBIC HAIRS CURL!! OHOHOHO.....NASTY..NASTY! WELL, NASTY IS IN THE 'EYE' OF THE BEHOLDER AND HER EYE HAD A PUBIC HAIR IN IT!

I APPEALED THE BITCH'S DECISION.

MY HEARING WAS TODAY AT 1:30 PM, AT AN OLD ORNATE FEDERAL BUILDING, ON ROOD STREET, IN GRAND JUNCTION, COLORADO.

THE HEARING JUDGE WAS A FEW YEARS MY SENIOR.

I AM PRETTY SURE, BASED ON THE REAMS OF MEDICAL DOCUMENTS HE HAD TO WORK WITH AN MY 'OLDCATMAN'S AGE' THAT THE DECISION TO GRANT ME DISABILITY BENEFITS WAS A FORGONE CONCULSION.

I ''WON'' MY APPEAL.

I WILL BE DESIGNATED DISABLED EFFECTIVE MY 60TH BIRTHDAY.


I WILL BE GETTING AN INCREASE IN MY MONTHLY SOCIAL SECURITY DOLE, BE ELIGIBLE FOR MEDICARE AND BE GETTING A ""FIVE FIGURE"" RETRO SETTLEMENT CHECK.



I KNOW THAT THIS SETTLEMENT WILL TRICKLE UP TO THE $500 BILLION
DEFICIT THAT GEORGE HAS GOT US INTO.....BUT WHO GIVES A SHIT?

THE BIGGEST EVENT IN THE REST OF MY LIFE....WOULDN'T YOU SAY???



"MEOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"









Wednesday, July 16, 2003

IF THE LIGHTNING HITS, I'M OUT!!








........................................had a brief fart/start but I left to check on Sunny-D and as I came back into the 'BIG ROOM', Pep'Purr had just scurried (Do cats scurry??) across my keyboard, hitting the ''right'' key to blow everything out that I had just written.............................................................................
and on top of that, ''JC" landed in/on her 'place' and also wanted to journey (cats do journey) to the right side of my keyboard, which would have meant a direct hit on the keyboard the probable annihilation, again, of what I had just ''REFARTED''................HALT, ''JC'' KITTY!!!!

ANYWAY; POOR SUE-SUE, THE DOG IS HIDING IN MY BEDROOM BETWEEN MY BED AND THE WALL (A NARROW PATHWAY). MY OLD ''HOUN'IE DOG'' (ONE OFF HER NICKNAMES) IS PETRIFIED AT THE MOMENT AS THE THUNDER (''1-1000....2-1000....ETC.", WHEN THE LIGHTNING STRIKES, WHICH DETERMINES THE DISTANCE YOU ARE AWAY FROM THE 'STRIKE', OR SOME SUCH METEOROLOGICAL FOLKTALE) IS ROCKIN' AND ROLLIN' ONTHE FARM.............THE MONSOON SEASON IS UPON US......RAINING AND HAILING HARD AT THE MOMENT.....NOT REAL BIG STONES BUT BIGGER THAT I WOULD WANT IN MY KIDNEY AND DEPARTING MY BODY THE SAME WAY PISS DOES (HOLY SHIT!! THE MALE EQUIVILENT PAIN OF CHILD BIRTH!!)!! BEEN THERE, DONE THAT; THE FORMER THAT IS.

IF THE LIGHTNING HITS, I'M OUT!! MY I-MAC WILL PROBABLY CRASH AND BURN AND BLOW OUT MY FARTS TO THE MOMENT.................AT 5:25PM
WE WILL PAUSE FOR THE CAUSE....OR FOR THE LIGHTNING TO CEASE
AND DESIST...........................................

7:10PM AND THE MONSOON STORM HAS CRAPPED OUT......WET EVERYTHING GOOD AND HARD...............SUE-SUE, THE DOG, HAS CALMED DOWN...SHE DOESN'T LIKE GUNSHOTS EITHER...LOTS OF FIRING AROUND HERE IN 'RED NECK' LAND......THEY LIKE TO SHOOT, SHOOT, SHOOT!
PIGEONS. PRARIE DOGS. THE AIR. THE DIRT. AND I'M SURE IF I LOOKED HARD ENOUGH, I'D FIND SOME SHOT UP ''BUD'' CANS.


IRAQUI : AN APACHE WORD FOR CAMEL SHIT? NO, AN OLDCATMAN TYPO.....The 'u & i', as everyone knows, are close together on the old key board and as an old hunt and pecker (is that a 'ho' term??), the fingers I peck with make mistakes now and then..

ANYWAY: IRAQ: A MILESTONE WAS REACHED IN THE LAST 24 HOURS.
.........................BUSH PLUS BUSH == 294............................................
YOUNG GEORGIE'S WAR HAS NOW EQUALED THE DEATHS IN DADDY'S WAR WITH IRAQ AT 147 EACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NICE JOB, YOU BUSHY BASTARDS.

COULD YOU IMAGINE 50 YEARS AGO ANY POLITICAL PUNDIT PREDICTING THAT TWO FATHER/SON PRESIDENTS WOULD ENGAGE IN A WAR WITH THE SAME FUCKING COUNTRY (A FEW YEARS APART) AND ON OR ABOUT 071603 THE SON WOULD HAVE TIED HIS DADDY IN NUMBER OF OUR TROOPS KIILLED????

NOT EVEN GEORGE (NOT BUSH, ASSBITE!!) OR JULES COULD HAVE CONJURED UP A TALE LIKE THAT................STEVEN PROBABLY COULD.

AND ON JULY 16, 1981 AN ''OLD FRIEND'' (SAW HIM PERFORM LIVE ONCE AND I'M THANKFUL FOR THAT) DIED OF A HEART ATTACK AFTER HIS CAR WAS REAR ENDED.

AMEN, HARRY CHAPIN, THE MASTER OF SINGING A STORY......LIKE THE FAMOUS ACTORS WHOSE VOICES YOU CAN HEAR IN YOUR MIND, I CAN HEAR ""CATS IN THE CRADLE""..............OR ""TAXI"" AND THE SING-A-LONG
""30,000 POUNDS OF BANANAS"".

ALONG THESE SAME LINES, BY PURE COINCIDENCE( 071603): PAY A VISIT TO (SURE WISH I HAD THE ABILITY TO 'LINK' TO SITES!!): tiglaw.com/blog/tiger-rant.html
AND READ THE POETRY THAT THE 'TIGER'S' DAD WROTE A FEW YEARS BACK......READ 'THE TOY TRAIN'...HAS THE SAME SORT OF VIBES THAT
''CATS IN THE CRADLE'' HAS........................................

.......and tomorow, July 17, is my youngest son's birthday...and I don't even know where he is.....................................


THERE WAS A NAVY HELICOPTER CRASH IN SICILY TODAY AND ALL 4 ON BOARD WERE KILLED. IT HAPPENED NEAR SIGONELLA, A SMALL TOWN IN THE PROVINCE OF PALERMO, SICILY.

AND MY USUAL INQUISTITIVE SELF ASKED (WITH DEEP REGRETS TO THOSE WHO WERE KILLED) ""WHAT THE FUCK?"" WHY WAS A HELICOPTER CRUSING AROUND IN SICILY...................SOMEBODY FLYING
IN TO GET A PIZZA FOR SOME FAT ASS ADMIRAL???? NOPE. COME TO FIND OUT THAT IN SIGONELLA THERE IS A MILITARY BASE WHERE THE 'US OF A' HAS 2,930 ACTIVE DUTY FOLKS, 1,250 ITALIAN AND CIVILIAN
FOLKS WORKING AND 3,200 FAMILY MEMBERS.

IS THERE ANYWHERE IN THIS FUCKING WORLD THAT 'WE' ("WHO'S 'WE',
QUEMO SABE?") DON'T HAVE A MILITARY PRESENCE???

THIS BASE COULD REALLY TAKE IT IN THE SHORTS SOME DAY....IT IS 24 KM'S (WHAT'S A 'KM?') FROM MT. ETNA.............WHAT A BLAST THAT WOULD BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD LET IT SLIDE BUT AFTER A TODAY SHOW FEATURE THIS WEEK, I JUST HAD TO COMMENT.

NOT A BASKETBALL FAN AT ALL...JUST GLAD ALL THOSE EIGHT FOOT DUDES ARE PLAYING BASKETBALL AND NOT WALKING THE STREETS HIGH ON CRACK!

ANY WAY, TWO SWEET LONG HAIRED CHICKS (THEY WERE NOT LEGAL I'M SURE) SAT ON THE SOFA WITH KATIE AND TALKED ABOUT THE
"INCIDENT" BETWEEN THEIR FRIEND (ANOTHER ILLEGAL WITH, I'M SURE, LONG HAIR)-- AND AT THE SAME TIME ANOTHER FRIEND (ALL VAIL, COLORADO 'SKI' HARES) WAS ON 'GOOD MORNING AMERICA' CHATTING ABOUT THE SAME INCIDENT-- THE INCIDENT, INVOLVING KOBE BRYANT AND THE ''ALLEGED'' SEXUAL 'WHATEVER' OF THEIR FRIEND.

NOW, KOBE, WERE YOU EMULATING MIKE TYSON??? GOING AFTER WILT CHAMBERLAIN'S TOTALS???

IN THE KATIE INTERVIEW, THE CHICKIES KEPT TALKING ABOUT THE 'VICTIM' AND HER SINGING DESIRES...................MAYBE SHE WENT FROM THE HOTEL FRONT DESK TO KOBE'S ROOM TO SEE IF HE COULD HELP HER MAKE SOME SINGING CONTACTS??? AND WHEN HE SAID 'CAN'T HELP YOU, CHICKIE' SHE GOT PISSED AND WALKED OUT OF THE ROOM ''VERY UPSET''..................AND MUMBLING, 'I'LL GET EVEN WITH YOU, BOY!'

THEN AGAIN, THE TYSON/CHAMBERLAIN THEORY SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD TOO.


AND FROM "THE LITERAY CAT": "I LOVE CATS BECAUSE I ENJOY MY HOME; AND LITTLE BY LITTLE, THEY BECOME ITS VISIBLE SOUL.""
****JEAN COCTEAU, French poet and filmaker****


NO NEWSPAPER TO SHARE WITH YOU TODAY BUT I DID (FINDING OUT ABOUT THE 'MILITARY FORT' IN SICILY) DISCOVER THE FOLLOWING WEB SITE: www.global security.org/military/index.html

THE SITE PROVIDES 'MILITARY DATA' ON EVERY COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. HOW BIG OR SMALL THEIR FORCE IS (INTERESTING, SIZE DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU HAVE 'THE BOMB') AND WHETHER WE ("WE, QUEMO SABE?") HAVE A PRESENCE THERE.

''......when johnny comes marching home again..........." WHEN, GEORGE??

VISIT ME: (oldcatman63.fotopages.com) OR (ww.16color.com/movies-----SEARCH:oldcatman, director, all years, G,R) OR
(www.webgurus.com/matic/search.cgi?reg_id26490)

AND OF COURSE, SEND ME LOVE AND KISSES (CHICKIES) AT:
oldcatman@worldnet.att.net


''MEOW!!"


....................GOOD NIGHT, ''JC'' KITTY.

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

''THERE SHE BLOWS!

...................A LINE FROM MOBY DICK?
...................A LINE FROM 'DEEP THROAT'?
...................LOOKING AT AN 'ALL GIRL' JAZZ BAND?
...................AN IMPLOSION IN LAS VEGAS?
...................A DISASTER AT A 'HOT AIR BALLOON' FESTIVAL?
...................NOPE.

...................THE WIND DOWN ON THE FARM (AND I HAVEN'T SEEN 'PAREE' YET....PROBABLY NEVER WILL) IS BLOWING IN DOUBLE DIGIT MPH'S!!!! PLUS IT'S IN THE 90'S...SO IT'S A HOT WIND A BLOWIN'-------"A LOT OF HOT AIR"....AKA "BLOGS''......................BUT IN THESE HERE PARTS THEY ARE KNOW AS BRAIN FARTS......AND ANOTHER BRILLIANT
SEGWAY HITS THE FAN!!!!!!!


"MEOW"

WHAT'S THAT, ''JC'' KITTY.........SURE, W'ELL BEGIN TODAYS
FARTS WITH A BIT FROM 'THE LITERARY CAT':
*** ALTHOUGH ALL CAT GAMES HAVE THEIR RULES AND RITUAL, THESE VARY WITH THE INDIVIDUAL PLAYER. THE CAT OF COURSE, NEVER BREAKS A RULE. IF IT DOES NOT FOLLOW PRECEDENT, THAT SIMPLY MEANS IT HAS CREATED A NEW RULE AND IT IS UP TO YOU TO LEARN IT QUICKLY IF YOU WANT THE GAME TO CONTINUE.***
**** SIDNEY DENHAM (English writer) ****



AND ANOTHER SEGWAY (WITH 'THE LITERARY CAT' IN BETWEEN)..................''WE BLEW IT, MAN."...............THE CAMERA PANS THE VASTNESS OF AN OPEN COUNTRY ROAD, WHERE THE OTHER MOTORCYCLE HAS JUST BURST INTO FLAMES (THE REALITY OF A PREVIOUS VISION).................THANKS TO THE RED NECK ASSHOLE (WATCH OUT BEHIND THAT ROCK...DAMN THERE ARE A LOT OF ROCKS IN THIS WORLD!) WITH THE BOIL ON THIS NECK...OR WAS IT AN UGLY BOIL WITH A NECK (RED) ON IT?

WYATT AND BILLY ARE DEAD.....WITHIN MINUTES OF EACH OTHER.... AND THEIR ODYSSEY OF SEARCHING FOR THE 'BETTER LIFE' IS OVER.

IS LIFE AN EASY RIDE FOR ANY OF US???????


THE NEWSPAPER TIME: A SPECIAL TREAT TODAY. I WENT TO KANSAS (DOROTHY?? ARE YOU THERE?) AND FOUND A DOUBLE HEADER IN THE TOWNS OF 'CHENEY' AND 'LIBERAL'....IS THIS A GEOGRAPHIC OXYMORON??

THE CHENEY TIMES SENTINEL TELLS US (FOR THOSE WHO GIVE A 'DIDDLY-SQUAT') THAT FROM A $59 MILLION FUND PROVIDED BY THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT TO HELP THE JOE FRIDAYS OF OUR LAND, THE CHENEY POLICE DEPARTMENT RECEIVED $451.19 FOR 2 BULLET PROOF VESTS (DO THEY WORK WITH TEFLON BULLETS?).

AND BOUNCING OVER TO THE LIBERAL SOUTHWEST DAILY TIMES: THE 'KDHE' (KANSAS DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND ENVIRONMENT) HAD CITED 2 EATING ESTABLISHMENTS (AND HOW MANY EATING PLACES CAN LIBERAL HAVE??? I SHOULD LOOK FOR A RELATED ARTICLE ON ''FOOD POISONINGS".) FOR 'VIOLATIONS'. THE 2 JOINTS (THOSE WERE THE DAYS, MY FRIENDS.) WERE THE 'PANCAKE HOUSE' AND 'CASA ALVAREZ'.....NEED WE REVIEW THE MENUS OF EITHER PLACE? THEY BOTH HAVE BEEN
'BUSTED' SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE. BOTH OWNERS HAVE REPORTED TO THE TIMES THAT THE VIOLATIONS HAVE BEEN CORRECTED........THE OWNERS OF THE 'CASA' REPORTED THRU AN INTERPRETER......LOOK OUT CALIFORNIA, KANSAS MAYBE CATCHING UP WITH YOUR POPULATION MIX!!!!! (''PC'', MY ASS!!)


A HERO IS IN TROUBLE: DATELINE: BERKELEY (WHERE ELSE?) CALIFORNIA: TOD. H. MIKURIYA, MD (MD/SHRINK)
IS BEING HARASSED (THEY WANT TO YANK HIS MEDICAL LICENSE) BY THE MEDICAL BOARD OF CALIFORNIA.
SEEMS THAT THE GOOD (VERY GOOD!) DOCTOR HAS WRITTEN OVER 7,500 MARIJUANA 'recommendations' (AN 'RX??) FOR HIS PATIENTS (I WONDER IF HE WOULD PHONE ONE IN?...AH, AREA CODE 970-----------) WHY MOVE TO CANADA...LET'S MOVE TO BERKELEY!!

BUSH (A ONE WORD OXYMORON?) HAS BEEN ON THE BAND WAGON (AND THE BAND IS PLAYING 'DON'T BOGART THAT JOINT, MY FRIEND....) TO CRACK DOWN ON ALL THE MD'S WHO WRITE THE POT RX'S. THE STATES OF ALASKA,ARIZONA, CALIFORNIA, COLORADO, HAWAII (LET'S HERE IT FOR 'KONA GOLD'!!), MAINE, NEVADA, OREGON AND WASHINGTON HAVE ALL PASSED LAWS IN FAVOR OF MEDICAL MARIJUANA....AND I'VE LIVED IN 3 OF THOSE STATES...MUST HAVE HAD THE WRONG DOCTOR EACH TIME.

AS THE OLDCATMAN ONCE SAID (CHECK 0603 ARCHIVES)
MARIJUANA WILL NEVER BE LEGAL IN THIS COUNTRY BECAUSE OF THE A.M.A, PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES, ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE COMPANIES, THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT
AND, OF COURSE, THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT WHO IS FEARFUL OF THE POWER OF THE GROUPS MENTIONED.

AND WHY DO THESE FOUR ENTITIES OPPOSE LEGALIZING MARIJUANA??.............IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER, THEN IT ISN'T WORTH ME KNOWING YOU: oldcatman@worldnet.att.net



$450 BILLION.......................'OUR' ("NOT MINE, QUEMO SABE!") FEDERAL BUDGET DEFICIT..............F U C K ! ! HEY, GEORGE, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH THE MONEY???? BASED ON THE $3.9 BILLION PER MONTH TO RUN THE IRAQI FIASCO ( EQUALS: 115 MONTHS OF PISSING AWAY MONEY IN IRAQ)...WHERE IS THE REST OF IT GOING, GEORGE? TO FEED AND CLOTHE THE WEALTHY? I SUSPECT IT DOES, IN FACT, HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE RICH GETTING RICHER AND THE POOR GETTING POORER...AND THAT, FOLKS, IS NO FUCKING OXYMORON!!!!



BOY DO I HAVE A THING ABOUT ''OXYMORONS'' today, NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE ''TODAY SHOW'' WHERE A MAJOR SEGMENT ''OXYMORON'' OCCURRED THIS MORNING.
A SEGMENT (LET'S CALL IT "Q") WAS ABOUT THE NEW BRAVO (CABLE TV NETWORK) SHOW: ''QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY''......5 "QUEERS" (THEY SAID IT, I DIDN'T!) DO A COMPLETE PHYSICAL AND ENVIRONMENTAL ''MAKE OVER'' FOR A STRAIGHT GUY...............ANOTHER SEGMENT (LET'S CALL IT "H") EXPOSED THE 2003 NEW YORK CITY FIREMEN'S BEEF CAKE CALANDAR; BRAWNY 'HUNKS' EXPOSING THEIR UPPER TORSOS (I THINK KATIE, CLIMAXED TWICE ON LIVE TV!!).

THE TODAY SHOW RAN SEGMENTS ''Q'' AND ''H'' BACK TO BACK...IS THAT AN OXYMORON????

(AND YES, SOME OF THE FIREMEN COULD HAVE BEEN GAY BUT THEY DIDN'T DEMONSTRATE IT BUT THE 5 'QUEERS' WERE AS OBVIOUS AS DOLLY PARTON'S.......BLONDE HAIR,
PUBIC OR OTHERWISE.)


THANKS TO ALL MY GUIDANCE:

the new york times
the mondo times
the denver post
the san francisco examiner
my at & t web page news
my creative mind

WHICH CAN ALSO BE SEEN AT:

oldcatman63,fotopages.com
www.16color.com/movies/ ("search" oldcatman, director, all years and G,R)
www.webgurus.com/matic/search.cgi?reg_ID 26490


WELL, UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN OR I SEE YOU FIRST (ANOTHER FUCKING OXYMORON?)........................

GOOD NIGHT, ''JC'' KITTY.

''MEOW'' (Could that be a kitty oxymoron?)


..........NO YOU, MORON.....POST YOUR DAMN 'BLOGSPOT'!!!!!!!!!



















Monday, July 14, 2003

AN ODE TO A TIGER

I FART OUT MY LINES OF CAUSTIC WIT
BUT THE TEXT DISPLAYS LOOKING LIKE SHIT!
IRREGULAR LINES CAN MAKE PURISTS WROUGHT
BUT IN REALITY, 'IT' DOES NOT CHANGE THE THOUGHT!

.....AN ODE TO A TIGER: By oldcatman





GOT AN EARLY START TODAY...............ENERGY TO burn (A LITTLE).
THE DITCH WATER IS RUNNING (THIS IS A FARMING PROCESS WHEREBY DITCH WATER SHARES ARE 'OWNED' BY PROPERTY OWNERS. WE OWN 5 SHARES WHICH ENTITLES US TO USE 3.5 DAYS OF DITCH WATER EVERY OTHER WEEK UNTIL THE SOURCE (2 HIGH COUNTRY DAMS) RUNS DRY. -----A LITTLE CREEK/DITCH RUNS THRU OUR PROPERTY---- WE HAVE MADE A DEAL WITH OUR WEST NEIGHBORS
THAT WE ONLY NEED TO USE A COUPLE OF SUBMERSIBLE PUMPS (IN THE DITCH) TO WATER OUR GARDENS AND ABOUT 24 HOURS OF 'FLOOD' WATERING (WE OPEN UP A GATE OR 2 THAT FLOODS
OUR ORCHARD (OF 28 TREES). NOW, OUR NEIGHBOR HAS 3.5 SHARES ALSO, WHICH MEANS "WE" GET WATER 7 DAYS EVERY OTHER WEEK.
THEY USE FLOOD IRRIGATION FOR THEIR HAY FIELDS. THE WORD 'SHARE THE WATER' IS NOT A FAMILIAR TERM 'IN THESE PARTS'---THE PREVIOUS OWNER OF OUR PLACE USE TO JUST TAKE THE 3.5 DAYS AND WASTE IT BY RUNNING IT OUT TO NOWHERE OF IMPORTANCE.
OUR WEST NEIGHBOR APPRECIATES THE 'SHARING'.

"WELL THANK YOU", OLDCATMAN," >THE COLORADO FARMER'S FARM JOURNAL OF INTERESTING SHIT< (THE CFFJIS) APPRECIATES INFORMATIVE INFORMATION"...........................................WELL, KISS MY GRITS, BUBBA!


THE LITERARY CAT WILL YIELD TODAY TO ''STRIVE. TO HUMOR (listmom@strive.to)"......THEY EMAIL FUN SITES EVERYDAY ALONG WITH A 'JOKE'..........TODAY: ""I'VE NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHY WOMEN LOVE CATS. CATS ARE INDEPENDENT, THEY DON'T LISTEN,THEY DON'T COME IN WHEN YOU CALL, THEY LIKE TO STAY OUT ALL NIGHT, COME HOME AND EXPECT TO BE FED AND STROKED. IN OTHER WORDS, EVERY QUALITY THAT WOMEN HATE IN A MAN, THEY LOVE IN A CAT.""

SPEAKING OF WOMEN WHAT A 'BITCHIN' SEGWAY..................GOT TO THINKING ABOUT ''''''MAKEOVERS''''''.....TV TALK TYPE SHOWS JUST LOVE TO TAKE SOME BUTT UGLY WOMAN (THERE ARE A LOT OF BUTT UGLE MEN BUT FOR THE MOST PART MEN DON'T WEAR MAKEUP; SAN FRANCISCO NOT WITH STANDING!) AND GIVE HER A ''''''MAKE OVER''''''.

THE MAKE ''OVERERS'' PUT THE SELECTED WOMAN THRU A COMPLETE PHYSICAL 'REVISION': HAIR, EYES, SKIN COLOR, EAR LOBES, FINGER NAILS, CLOTHES. ACCESSORIES AND god ONLY KNOWS WHAT THEY DO TO ENHANCE THE BIG THREE (BOOBS, HIPS AND ASS).....NO TIME FOR PLASTIC SURGERY IN A QUICKY MAKEOVER.

WHAT IF: THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT WITH ALL OF ITS ULTIMATE WISDOM PASSED A CONTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT THAT WOULD PROHIBIT THE USE OF MAKE UP AND THE LIKE (WELL, IF THAT FAT ASS CONGRESSWOMAN FROM COLORADO CAN TRY FOR AN AMENDMENT TO BAN SAME SEX MARRIAGES......WHY NOT AN AMENDMENT ON THE USE OF 'MAKEUP AND THE LIKE'; MAYBE THERE'S A FAT ASS CONGRESSMAN IN COLORADO WHO COULD TRY?)!!!!!!!

ANOTHER ''''''PROHIBITION ERA''''''

"POWDER ROOMS" (SAME AS "SPEAK EASIES" OF DAYS GONE BY) WOULD SECRETLY OPEN ALL OVER TOWN.......KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.
.....AND THE PEEP HOLE WOULD OPEN AND STARING AT YOU WOULD BE A MADE UP EYE (FALSE EYE LASHES, THAT BLUE EYE SHADOW SHIT AND GROUCHO EYEBROWS...................''DAISY SENT ME!''

THE DOOR WOULD--CLICK/CLICK/CLICK (3 LOCKS)---AND OPEN. THE ODORS OF EXOTIC PERFUMES (YOU KNOW, LIKE THE OLD 'FRENCH WHOREHOUSE' SMELL; NEVER BEEN TO FRANCE BUT I REMEMBER THE SMELL IN A MAZATLAN WHOREHOUSE BEING LESS THAN PERFUMY) WOULD SMACK YOUR NOSTRILS............FACE POWDER FLOATED AROUND THE CANDLELIT ROOM AND ON AND ON IT WOULD GO...LONG INTO THE NIGHT.

AND OBVIOUSLY, CHARACTERS OF SOME REKNOWN WOULD EMERGE FROM THIS ''ERA'': ALICE CAPONE (MAKE UP COVERED THE SCAR);
HELENA RUBENSTEIN GOTTI (SHE MARRIED WELL), SUNNIE "SILKEN HAIR" CORTELONE AND OF COURSE, 'BIG PUSSEY'.

AND A MASCRA INCIDENT ON ST. VALENTINE'S DAY!!

MEN, WOULDN'T IT BE NICE TO MEET A WOMAN WHO WAS MAKE UP FREE?? A REAL WOMAN....LONG FLOWING HAIR FROM HER HEAD AND ARM PITS (AND SINCE I'M A 'LEG MAN', HAIRY LEGS.).

SO, LADIES, YOU DIDN'T LIKE THIS BRAIN FART TALE? WELL, SCRAPE OFF YOUR MAKE UP AND LET ME KNOW: oldcatman@worldnet.att.net



FORMER PRESIDENT GERRY FORD IS 90 TODAY...............WOW, IF IT WASN'T FOR AGNEW AND NIXON FUCKING UP, GERRY WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN PRESIDENT...............AND GOOD OLD JIMMY KICKED HIS ASS TOO. INTERESTING, GERRY AND JIMMY ARE GOOD FRIENDS TO DAY....CAN'T YOU JUST SEE BILL AND GEORGE (EITHER ONE) HANGING OUT TOGETHER???? SORT OF TELLS YOU SOMETHING ABOUT THESE MEN (WHO SOON WILL BE ALL FORMER PRESIDENTS....YEAH YOU, GEORGE W.)......AND HOW MANY PEOPLE CAN THANK BETTY FOR HER CLINIC INVOLVEMENT?



NEWSPAPER OF THE DAY (CAN'T EAT ANY SARA LEE FROZEN SHIT ANYMORE): FROM SWEETWATER, TENNESSEE, THE MONROE COUNTY ADVOCATE/DEMOCRAT (BET THERE WAS A MERGER A LONG THE WAY).................HERE I READ A VERY INTERESTING AND SORT OF IRONIC ARTICLE ON HOW SWEETWATER DEALS WITH THEIR MOSQUITO
PROBLEM (WEST NILE BE DAMNED!!) THE STREET DEPARTMENT (THEY PLAY WITH INSECTS) HAS RECENTLY PURCHASED A PRODUCT CALLED MOSQUITO DUNKS. THEY ARE SMALL ROUND CAKES, LIKE DOUGHNUTS, THAT ARE DESIGNED TO RELEASE BACTERIA THAT KILL
MOSQUITO LARVAE WHEN THEY BECOME WET. THE CAKES ARE ENVIRONMENTALLY SAFE AND WILL BE PUT IN AREAS WITH STANDING WATER OR AREAS KNOWN TO HAVE STANDING WATER WHEN IT RAINS.
ONE CAKE WILL WORK ON A 100 SQUARE FOOT AREA OF WATER.

SO WHAT IS IRONIC ABOUT MOSQUITO DUNKS????

WE HAVE A MOSQUITO PROBLEM ''HERE'' TOO. THE TOWN'S MOSQUITO BOARD'S SOLUTION: SPRAY THE FUCK OUT OF EVERYTHING WITH MALATHION!! READ ALL ABOUT IT...MALATHION THAT IS. BAD SHIT. KNOW OF SEVERAL PEOPLE
(MYSELF INCLUDED) WHO HAD SOME SORT OF REACTION AFTER THE SPRAYING. THE SHIT IS SO BAD, THE COP (WHO RODE SHOTGUN WITH THE SPRAY TRUCK) WORE A HAZMAT SUIT. DO YOU WANT THE WEATHER REPORT IN SWEETWATER? GO TO: AccuWeather.com



DONNIE RUMSFORD: SAYS WE MAY NEED TO SEND ADDITIONAL TROOPS TO IRAQ......THE MORE TROOPS THE LOWER THE PERCENTAGE OF DEATHS GOES........................FUCK! THERE ARE 148K OF OUR GUYS THERE AND 13K NON AMERICAN TROOPS. THE MORE THE MERRIER, DON!!!! I TRIED TO FIND OUT ALL OVER THE ''NET'' HOW MANY TROOPS WERE HAD HERE THERE AND EVERYWHERE ACROSS THE GLOBE..........THERE ARE TROOPS IN AFGHANISTAN, KOREA, THE PHILLIPINES, GERMANY, GUAM AND ONLY god KNOWS WHERE ELSE.
LIBERIA MY ASS.


HOT AGAIN TODAY............WELL, ASSBITE, ITS SUMMERTIME, JULY AND YOU LIVE IN A 'MADE OVER' DESERT!!

SUNNY-D HAS HIS/HER OWN PERSONALITY. I FILL THE LITTLE BOWL (THOSE WERE THE DAYS, MY FRIENDS!) WITH GROUND UP CORN AND SHE/HE SCRATCHES IT OUT OF THE BOWL TO EAT IT. STILL TREADS THRU (AND SHITS IN) THE WATER BOWL (MY BONG HAS A NICE WATER BOWL) AND DRINKS OUT OF THE PUDDLES. SURE HOPE SUNNY-D IS A ROOSTER...DON'T WANT AN OLD HEN AND HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MAKE OVERS...ZING! ZING, LADIES!

WELL, TIME TO WRAP IT UP LIKE AN OLD FISH IN NEWSPAPER...DAMN, I CAN SMELL IT NOW...OR IS THAT THE NASIL REMBERANCE OF THE
MAZATLAN WHORE HOUSE????

GOOD AFTERNOON, "JC" KITTY.

"MEOW"..........BARF (.....SHE'S BEEN DOING THAT THIS MORNING.).

.